what do i do UNTILL?pls help

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
what do i do UNTILL?pls help
5
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 3:34pm
ok...i am being treated for depression.i FINALLY found a compassionate dr.i FINALLY found a therapist who HELPS.she was my marraige counselor but my husband won't go.i have found that she is very supportive of ME.in the fall i visited my dr(affliliated w/ my therapist)& told him i felt great.he was so happy he hugged me.in the 2 isits since then i haven't been doing so well.because in the past dr.s have usually given up on me not very nicely either...i have been frightened to reveal this to him.as tho it's MY FAULT.BUT I HAVEB TOLD HIM,& he has worked with adjusting my meds.
now,much of this COULD be circumstantial.there have been great stresses added to my life,BUT just yesterday my depression became so paralyzing & being unable to even sleep it off with the accompaning anxiety,all i could do was drink till my world was cushioned.i don't want to drink anymore b/c suddenly my weight is becoming a problem...i also called the dr yesterday hoping he could see me right away but i couldn't get an appt till tuesday.i see my therapist on sunday.it's only thurs day & the way i feel is completely unbearable.totally unbearable.i cannot even describe it.i feel lonely.i feel disappointed.i feel scared.i feel so very bad i cannot imagine getting thru the day.what should i do to make it till my appt.?anyone have any ideas?please?
Avatar for jukie33
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 3:50pm

All I can say is keep posting. You need an outlet and this may be what can sustain you. I remember days like that. Waiting for the appointment thinking it couldn't possibly come sson enough. I dissociate that's how I got through those days and posting to the boards that I usually post on. Trying to get an interaction with someone who knew what I was feeling like. I think everyone here has probably felt like you are right now. HANG ON! Keep telling yourself YOU WILL make it. Your therapy appointment is soonest and it will probably help sustain you till the pdoc appointment. If you journal you might want to do that. Also make a detailed list of things you need to discuss with the doctor so that when you get there you won't have forgotten anything that was pressing right now. Do self soothing things like long hot baths or showers. Turn on your favorite soothing music. Read a book that pertains to your disorder. I know all this can seem impossible to do sometimes it feels as if I feel like stone inside, because I am trying to keep it together. We will be here for you. I wish I had a good answer for you. SOmething that would magically take the edge off! You can make it through though. And when you do you will have learned what soothed you the best and it will be knowledge you can use at future times like these.


Sincerely,


Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 3:59pm
Wow, Julie gave you some really awesome advice there!! Way to go Julie!!

What do you like to do? Do you have a hobby? Can you call friends and talk with them? Sometimes it's nice to talk with friends who you can talk to about how you are feeling.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 4:37pm
thank you...your words help.
unfortunately the ones i thought were my closest friends are really not.one turned his back when i came to him with my anxiety & the other one delivered the stressful news bit by bit even when i said it hurt too much to hear.she seemed to find glee in my pain.even when my husband was going to counseling with me he thought this friend was toxic.i'm now thinking that altho i disagree with alot he says,this time he was right.
there is no one else to talk to about this except my therapist.even my dr. has a ty-in to "said"friend.
i shouldn't be upset...but i am.totally & compleyely coming out of my skin.i don't know if the depression is making this worse or the other way around.
Avatar for jukie33
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 5:39pm

At least you are seeing the toxic behavior clearly now. That is a giant step along with rooting this person out of your life. Are you and hubby still together? I am a little unclear on that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 6:57pm
my husband loves me in the way of a smothering needing to keep me ill kind of love.i need to get out of this marraige.but he is supportive in his unsupportive way if that makes any sense.i cannot help that i do not love him anymore.too much damage has been done.the really great thing about this therapist...i was seeing another for years but when my husband began canceling our marraige counseling sessions...i began to see this one on my own.i explained it to my other therapist who understood.i had already given up my psychiatrist(tho toxic...kept telling me i was a bad person)2 therapy sessions a month...my cleaning lady,my baby sitter,getting my hair done(forgive me if i sound like a princess..i am all alone here w/out any family or help)anyway i gave all of it up at my husband's insistence.i do not spend any money.my husband does the shopping.i am not "allowed".figure that one out.the fact that this counselor insisted i keep seeing her was something he could not fight.if HE didn't want to see her...i had to in order to keep my new prescribing doc.anyway...in seeing her on my own i have learned that i am NOT the problem in our disintegrating marraige.that was an awesome revelation to me.you have NO idea.
eventually i will leave the marraige.my children are still small & i am alone.at least with this therapist i can conduct the marraige on the only terms i can stand.i no longer feel guilty not being what my h wants...here he comes..i have to go
but as for my friend..i will not confront her..i will simply lose touch.she is a complainer & will happily shatter my world & then tell me how much she hates her life.i can't take anymore.i reach out as m,uch as i can & go out of my way for her.if i were to confront her i would just be another person who does her wrong.i can't be bothered.she knows too much about my life.