It would be so much easier if.....Triggs

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
It would be so much easier if.....Triggs
4
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 5:14pm
I cant take feeling like this anymore. Im ruining the lives of my husband and kids. The only reason i am still here is because i owe my children 8 and 4. My life is so messed up right now i cant even stand my own kids and i think they would be so much better without me. I know thats not true but my sanity would be so much better without them. I know that sounds bad, But im at a point in this depression where i want everyone to go away and leave me alone. My kids my husband everyone. I hate myself, im so easily irritated and all i do is scream and yell, but all they do is fight and lie to me and everytime i try to do anything with them they make it so dam frustration i cant stand it. Most the time when my husbadn gets home i lock myself in my dark closet and dont come out for hours. Its the only place where the kids dont look and i can sit quitely in the dark and cry without having to explain to my husband why im crying. Does anyone else feel this way? and what can i do? Im going to the Dr on the 4th but im not sure how to say aany of this to him without him wanting to take my kids away. Im afraid of meds, and I dont know what to do. I have no money for a theripist. Thanks for listening, IM going back into the closet!
Chriss
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 5:41pm
oh sweetheart...i do know how you feel.no one is going to take your kids away.i have found that my primary dr. prescribes...not all do but its possible to find one on your insurance plan who does.don't be afraid of meds.beleive me i understand why.i do.but it'll be better than feeling the way you do now.do you feel like you need to go to the hospital?
Avatar for jukie33
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 6:00pm

Chriss,


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 6:28pm
Thank you guys! Your words are so soothing to hear. When my husband came home i broke down and cried for an hour and said things that i felt i couldnt say. But your right i need help, Ive known that a long time but i feel weird telling a dr about it. I feel like im whineing to the world. Im afraid of meds. My son is ADHD and we have had so many bad times with medication it was hard watching him go through it but we did find a good one. As far as the Hospital Ive never been, i dont know much about it or even how to go about looking into it. All i know is that my childhood, and things that have happened to me in my life have finally come to haunt me and it is causing alot of this, for example, I have no relationship with my parents (not my fault dad has new family and mom has always been selfish and made me take care of her) Had first child when i was 16, then the father practically cheated on me was never there and abused me, we are still together and married thigns are completely different but i cant help but be worried about it, And ive gained lots of weight and feel very ugly and not me. Then again who am i. the last time i was happy i was 16. Who am i as an adult? I need someone to talk these thigns out with, but im not sure how to bring it up to my doctor. I dont want him to think im just feeling sorry for myself and want an easy way out. its not that at all. Anyways im sorry im going on and on..
Thank you again for the support..
Chriss
Avatar for jukie33
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 01-01-2005 - 2:52pm

Chriss,