Socially Challenged Seeking Social Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Socially Challenged Seeking Social Life
1
Fri, 12-31-2004 - 6:35pm

Hello All!

I've had my share of friends within my 50 years. But I've always had problems with the social life situation. I get so disappointed with people and I tend to be quick with feeling rejected. Also, there really is something different about me, something that makes those who know me love me, even if they find me annoying or pathetic. The problem I have with those who don't know me is that they don't tend to take me seriously. Conversely, I don't want to give the wrong impression. I do have two degrees, a professional career, a daughter in medical school and two friends (yep, only two). Guys find me attractive. But I feel like I always do someting wrong. And so often people just seem to be humoring me.

Well, I'm 50 and just about divorced. I suffer from depression, so I need to make an effort. I want to join a mountain house with a local ski club. I'd be spending weekends with a group of people I don't know. Does anyone have advice for someone in this situation? I know it sounds pathetic, but I just never seem to do the social thing right and I want to get it right for a change.

Thanks,

LTACF

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
Fri, 12-31-2004 - 9:13pm

When you say that people don't take you seriously , what exactly do you mean?

I have always had the gift of being a "People" person and I can give you a little bit of advice. I once heard years ago that people like to talk about themselves. Think about it , Do you like people who only talk about themselves, or do you like to be around people who are interested in you? Bor-ing. Yawn yawn. Make sure that you are not telling people every detail of your life in your attempt to be liked. Be genuine in wanting to know about THEM. Ask them questions, but don't bombard them with questions. If you ask them a question and you have something in common with their reply, then tell them about your common interest. Make sure there is a give and take in your conversation. If you are not having any response from them, MOVE ON. Don't keep talking to them trying to start a conversation that just isn't happening. It will make you appear desperate. Sometimes people just don't "click" . That doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you. God made us all different for a reason.

Really, just try to relax. It is stressful even for me when I meet new people, but just try to be yourself. Really focus on getting to know THEM instead of them getting to know YOU. Humor also helps, but don't try to be funny unless something just really strikes you. I hope that helps you some. If you were more specific about what was going on maybe I could help you more.