what is happening to me

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
what is happening to me
3
Fri, 12-31-2004 - 6:45pm
b/c at this point i cannot help but feel its all my own fault.its ME.i'm taking my meds...all of them.why is my depression then like a physical pain that renders me helpless?i opted out of a party tonite when i realized i physically would not be able to get thru the eve.my husband is sulking at my pulling away from him(i have mentioned that i do not love him & wading thru this marraige untill i can escape)& don't want his touch..i've tried.i can't..my children are angry at me for spoiling their night.(mommy can't you go not feeling well this ONE TIME?)how can i face my doc & say....well...i'm at bottom again.now what?
wouldn't it appear that now i'm just creating this myself?who would even WANT to help me?i cannot go on.it hurts.i can't stand hurting but it seems everyone has done all they can.like others here i'm afraid of med hopping.i was ok for a while.now i'm back at bottom.i'm so scared.i want to sleep & i can't even sleep.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 12-31-2004 - 6:51pm

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Sweetie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


You didn't say in your post how long you have been on your meds, so I am not sure if you might have built up a tolerance or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 12-31-2004 - 7:01pm

Yes, I can really relate...especially to the part about depression being like a physical pain, even though you're taking all the meds as prescribed. That's exactly how I've been feeling the past few days...it's very hard to understand why. That said, I know that it's not your desire to feel this way...you're not just "creating" this for attention or some other reason...who would want to?

Your doctor is there to help...it's not a failure on your part or on his if you tell him (or her) the truth about how you're feeling. I know med-hopping isn't a good solution, but maybe just discuss honestly with him your concerns and your difficulty getting through this lately.

Please keep posting too...I will be hoping that the pain will lessen for you. I wish I had better advice as well...

Hugs,
Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Fri, 12-31-2004 - 7:30pm
thank you both....do you think i might have created a tolerance?or can certain news trigger SUCH a setback?.it can't bethat b/c this pain is so fierce.maybe i'm doing it on purpous to keep my husband away without the guilt?no...b/c i'm still not alright when he's not home.
i have an extreme sensitivity to certain meds.i can have seizures.i do have a therapist ho works with my prescribing doc.
he added a med to the 2 i'm taking & increased it last month when i began to feel down.i never improved.what i feel like i need now is a tranquilizer.i cannot seem to get thru the days.tonite is the 1st night i'm not in bed by 6 pm just to have the whole day done with.
anyway...i take prozac...b/c i am bipolar i mellow it out with seroquel at night.at the beginning(about august)it worked like a charm within a month.i just added trilyptal to the mix but i'm feeling awful.not side effect awful...just painfully sad & hopeless.it doesn't even help to know i don't HAVE to go anywhere.it's a horrible feeling of either waiting for something bad to happen or for nothing to happen.nothing.ever again.like the world is having a big party that i'm not invited to.i'd even throw a bit of paranoia in the mix.
thanks for letting me talk.i least i sorted out HOW i feel.its more complicated than sad.it's like...doomed.