walk away or fight???
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| Sun, 01-02-2005 - 4:03pm |
I am having a hard time right now with everything. I feel that my boyfriend has called it off's with me and that he doesnt want to be with me anymore. Everyone keeps telling me that he wants to marry me, and that he's got a ring for me and that he's just waiting on me to get the help i need. Well I have been really trying, I have tried going inpatient like 3-4 different times to get the help I need, I have counseling this tuesday, and I'm on medication. well I'm feeling really down because today i went onto my boyfriend's hi5 profile and it said, that he's single and he's wanting to date woman. He also said on his yahoo profile that he's wanting to find his better half, wherever she might be, I used to be his better half, and I want to tell him what's going on, but I cant because he's in iraq. He's listening to other people, and I cant tell him what's going on for the risk of losing him. he told me two weeks ago that he loves me and that he's arranging certain things for me when he gets home. This last year has been nothing but heartache, pain, fights, tears, and much more. I have put my boyfriend through soo much pain, but it's not because of me, I have been working soo hard on getting better, but people are bringing me down and he's not seeing it. he told me he wants me to get better, and that we will take things slow when he gets back, when he was home on leave he told me that he didnt want to ruin a perfect relationship with a beautiful woman and now I feel so hopeless, feel like trash, dont want to try anymore for the risk of having him back or losing him completely. i feel that there is nothing to live for anymore. I want to tell him and everyone else how i'm feeling and how much i'm hurting, but i dont know how to do it, or word it, because every time i do, i get the feeling sorry for myself bit and everything else when I'm really not. I have lost all of my friends, I have no friends, I have lost my boyfriend and I'm just feeling like crap. What can I do? should I even try and let my boyfriend???? see me for who i am when he gets back? or what do i need to do?
please help
thanks
crystin

(((((Crystin))))), best wishes for your boyfriend's safe return from Iraq.