Back To Work Tomorrow
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Back To Work Tomorrow
| Sun, 01-02-2005 - 9:54pm |
I know I am just feeling worse because school begins again tomorrow. I also know I have no right to whine since my doctor and therapist have both been trying to convince me that it's okay to quit in the middle of the year.
So why am I being so stubborn? I think part of it is because 10 years ago when I first got really 'sick' or whatever I am---I was forced to take a leave and I didn't finish out the year. I also never went back to that school. It was a terrible time and it took me years to get over the hurt.
So tonight, I have been working on lesson plans and doing some long range planning. I found a musical for the 8th grade. I was really excited about it until I remembered that it IS the 8th grade I will have to work with on this. 98% of them could care less about the musical. They don't want to do one at all. I spoke with the principal---she says I have to do one with them. Funny---I started the 8th grade musical and the Christmas program when I began teaching there. They didn't have any programs at all when I came. I should have left well enough alone.
I know that I will drag myself out of bed tomorrow and go---but right now---it just seems like it would be so much easier to end it all and never have to worry about any of this anymore.
Sorry to be such a downer. I'm sure I'll be better by June. :)
Debbie
So why am I being so stubborn? I think part of it is because 10 years ago when I first got really 'sick' or whatever I am---I was forced to take a leave and I didn't finish out the year. I also never went back to that school. It was a terrible time and it took me years to get over the hurt.
So tonight, I have been working on lesson plans and doing some long range planning. I found a musical for the 8th grade. I was really excited about it until I remembered that it IS the 8th grade I will have to work with on this. 98% of them could care less about the musical. They don't want to do one at all. I spoke with the principal---she says I have to do one with them. Funny---I started the 8th grade musical and the Christmas program when I began teaching there. They didn't have any programs at all when I came. I should have left well enough alone.
I know that I will drag myself out of bed tomorrow and go---but right now---it just seems like it would be so much easier to end it all and never have to worry about any of this anymore.
Sorry to be such a downer. I'm sure I'll be better by June. :)
Debbie

Debbie,
I am feelng a lot of similar things tonight, only I am not a teacher. The thought of getting myself out of bed tomorrow morning is paralyzing me. Going back to a job that I know doesn't suit me right now and I know I want to leave but have to wait until the right opportunity comes... it is frustrating. If you can stick it out until June, that is only 6 months away and there is some time off in there too :-)
A musical sounds fun. You may be surprised. Some of the kids may be really excited about it. I know I always was really enthusiastic about being in musicals. Try to focus on the kids that ARE excited. Do this for them. And since you seem to enjoy doing musicals, use their enthusiasm to help fuel your own. It might be just the thing you need!
I wish I could help more, but I am feeling just as apprehensive about going to work tomorrow as you are. We've all been off too long and are used to doing more of our own things, and tomorrow we have to go back to our other responsibilities. It really stinks :-)
I'm just hoping my extremely difficult bosses (all senior level executives with luxury cars) didn't get too much rest and decide to dump all their work on me since I get paid a tenth of what they do. Ah, corporate America. I don't think it is easy anywhere!
Good luck!!
Seya
ugh, I am in the same boat. ((hugs))
I am working a part-time job that pays half of what I used to make, because my anxiety/depression became so bad at my last job (mental health case manager). so now i am a teacher's aide. So not what I want to be doing, but I don't KNOW what I want to be doing. I want to be doing NOTHING! :) Not an option, I guess, huh? As a single mom with two kids, I'd say not.
So, I guess we'll just stick it out until June. :)
Good luck tomorrow!
~Kiya
Dearest Debbie: your boss sounds like the management at my place, they have downsized on so many staff, there use to be 2 full time and 1 part time person doing my job, and I am expected to do all of that and more! And the more you give, the more they want. We get written up if we don't punch out on time, and overtime is NEVER an option for me, so last monday when I left a meeting in progress to go punch out, I actually carried guilt home with me over it, but as my therapist reminded me, I need to set up boundaries, to nurture myself and enough is enough.
I so do hope IF you can't come up with a workable plan with your therapist on tuesday to downsize your schedule, that you take a leave and to HECK with that school and that boss if need be. Again at my work, they just keep piling and piling it on, and when I see others "brown nose" and give their life to that place, I feel a twinge of guilt BUT I know before when I had it first on my priority list, I got so burned out, and I know that attributed to me getting suicidal in 2002, for 2 reports from inspectors showing I was NOT perfect was more than I could handle.
take care dear friend! I guess it is good I worked last some last week as I didn't have this long time off and then have to return to work like some of you did. Love, Josie.
Debbie,
My thoughts is turn this around and look at it positively! You have come such a long way that you are ABLE to pull it together and finish out the year and that you WANT TO!
*hugs