When no one listens
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| Mon, 01-03-2005 - 5:24pm |
I always feel so guilty that I am not participating equally in my marriage. Some days I have to pry myself out of bed to go to work, a job I hate and will soon lose anyway. Then the thought of coming home and making dinner for my husband and I and cleaning up just wipes any energy I have left. My husband ends up doing way more than his share around the house. He never gripes, but I know that it's a pain, and I know that it's unfair. I feel so guilty shirking my responsibilities. I WANT to do more, but I just CAN'T.
My husband goes to therapy with me sometimes. It's helped us alot. He can see where I am coming from, and my therapist can put what I'm trying to get across into much more sense than I ever could. But, it seems, as soon as we leave, he stops listening. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I yell, sometimes I just go off by myself. I keep thinking that I need to do something different to get his attention. Do I have to stand on my head? Write it in lights? LEAVE? What will get it across to him that I need some understanding and attention?
I guess I have a bit of a complex about getting people to listen to me. When I was hospitalized for depression and suicidal thoughts about a year and a half ago, I felt the same way. In fact, I called my pdoc at the time and told her how badly I felt, and she just told me to take another xanax and sleep it off. My husband didn't get it. I eventually just ended up driving myself to the hospial ER and stammered in front of everyone that "I'm going to kill myself." I don't want it to get to that point again. I am so scared. Any ideas on getting my thoughts, feelings across to people?

stop feeling guilty...it doesn't help you.
let your husband help.i do it all the time & the worst part is that i don't even have tolerence for when he feels down.i'm sure youre a better person than me.
i remember when i felt guilty all the time.it was draining.that's one monkey i have gotten off my back.my husband is doing what he wants & does not mind.i'm sure yours doesn't either.
as for the not listening.
most people don't know how or don't know the right thing to say.it's very frustrating.do you discuss this in your sessions?
don't be afraid to bring it up.maybe he's just afraid to respond the wrong way.
my mother always used to yell at me to get up & DO something.she never got it that i wasn't HER & i didn't cope or heal like HER.