help me get thru

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
help me get thru
6
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 7:07pm
whatever this is.getting thru the days is near impossible...i bought some bach rescue remedy today but its not enough.i see my doc tomorrow & can hardly wait.
i'm taking prozac seroquel & trilyptle...something for every symptom but nothing is helping.i am supposedly bipolar but it seems that i stay down unless something distracts me & in my newfound manic states that distraction usually gets me in trouble.
the thing is...i don't seem to have an up till a distraction comes along.
right now i have none.
i have regret & despair.that's all.
when i see my dr. i have to tell him...
1...i never felt worse...altho that's probably not true...it's how it feels right now.
2...i desperately need a tranquilizer.nothing else will do.
3...in addition to my depression something is up with my meds b/c regardless of the stringent dieting i've been doing the scale won't budge under 20 pounds more than i am used to being.therefor i take 100 mg. of seroguel at night & do not sleep well.
i hope he has a magic bullet.
how do you get thru the days when you feel you cannot.& all the things you look foward to..;.well..they just don't seem possible anymore?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
In reply to: anon_3
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 8:31pm
Your pain is coming through loud and clear. I hear you and you're not alone. How to get through the days, that's a hard one to answer because you sound like you could be my twin. I think all we can do is take one day, one hour, one minute at a time when the downs get this bad. That's how I "manage". I can relate to what you're saying about being always down. Unless there's a distraction. I feel that way too. My lows are really L-O-W and there never seems to be any highs. But your spirit appears to be strong because you keep going through it all and even said it's probably not true that you've never felt worse. None of this is coming out the way I want it to. I guess what I'm trying to say is I know it's hard but try to hang in there, it really may get better. You're not alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
In reply to: anon_3
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 7:24am
it's coming thru perfectly.
thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
In reply to: anon_3
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 8:34am

You're welcome. I hope you feel a little better today.

Elle
(formerly "whiter shade of pale")

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
In reply to: anon_3
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 8:44am
actually i don't.
i feel worse if that's possible.
& b/c of a change in insurance i am not sure if i'm going to be able to get new meds if i'm given a new script.the blessed tranquilizers maybe?
i don't have my new cards & info yet.
things are CLEARER tho.my marraige is suffocating.i hate it.if i had an opportunity to take my kids & leave today i would.
i hate that i feel this way.
i am trapped & have no place to go.
my husband is OBLIVIOUS to the problems.he is convinced its all my despair.he stopped going to counseling with me & when i decided to go on my own i was shocked to find the counselor in my corner.
for my entire adult life i thought it was me.
he's not abusive except for his desire to be in control...money & stuff like that.he doesn't expect much from me & i think he likes it that way.
he hates my illness but thrives on it....altho he would e the 1st to say that isn't true.
my skin crawls when he sits near me.
i've TRIED to get past this but i cannot.
i'm all alone.no one could possibly understand.
my life is over.i'm 43 & my life is done.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
In reply to: anon_3
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 9:33am

Wow, we really are twins.

You're wrong though when you say noone could possibly understand because I do, all too well. So I guess you're not really alone? I'm very sorry for what you're going through. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
In reply to: anon_3
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 9:46am
just knowing how i feel is enough.