Is this part of the Depression?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Is this part of the Depression?
1
Wed, 01-05-2005 - 12:45pm
have posted on the ILs board many times. The basic story is that my SIL (my Dh's older sister)and I have not had a very good relationship up to this point. We have had major downs and one or two ups. My problem is letting it go! I'm trying to figure out if I'm co-dependent, if I'm obsessive compulsive, if I'm depressed, or if I'm just crazy! She has never really acknowledged me and at times she has been down right rude but not to my face. She has had a hard life. She does things that doesn't seems to bother anyone else including her brother. Why then does it bother me? My own sisters tell me that she is just selfish and that I should just write her off, but then I obsess about how I can get her to like me, How I can impress her. How I can get her to aknowledge me. She has been e-mailing me every once in a while. She seems to have been making more of an effort but I think there is so much resentment from the past that I take everything she does badly. She seems to have been able to let go of the past but I just can't. I have tried to talk, write, e-mail, and call her but she doesn't want to talk about "it". She does not mind talking about other things. What is my problem. when she calls DH, I feel anger build up in my heart like I'm getting ready to explode? When I'm around her (which is not that often) I feel intimidated by her. WEIRD! any one know what I have? I am on depression medication and I do have OCD (obsessive compulsive behavior) do you think it is those things? or do you think that it is yet another problem. I must sound insane!
any books you recommend?
Thanks!
Mimi
Avatar for svetlana1833
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Wed, 01-05-2005 - 2:40pm

Since depression works differently on different people, I can only speak for myself - but in my case, one of my challenges is Not Taking Everything Personally. Most of the time I'm all right with that, but when I'm down, I tend to take EVERYTHING personally, which, of course, just makes me feel worse. (There's that spiral again.)

Anyhow, a friend at work gave me a copy of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I highly recommend it. It deals a lot with not taking things personally, and not making assumptions. I am still working on that, but at least now I am mindful of when I'm doing it and it's causing me grief - when I'm aware of it, I'm in a better position to control it.

Give SiL a chance. She's in the family and you can't get rid of her. If you can't get along, then agree to disagree, and be civil to one another. If she doesn't want to talk about "it," then just call a do-over and start again.

Good luck.

Svetlana