New here-Have more of a post-traumatic

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
New here-Have more of a post-traumatic
3
Thu, 01-06-2005 - 12:53am
Hi everyone,
my name is Jennifer. I'm a 36 year-old mother of 2, recently got married to the love of my life in May of this year and love my job as a Registered Nurse. I have been on and off of antidepressant medications after my grandfather died back in 1998, but I've never really exhibited the common signs of depression. I've always appeared quite happy-go-lucky. I guess the only difference between someone not depressed and me would be that I used shopping excessively as a coping mechanism rather than crying or acting depressed. I am on Wellbutrin now (fairly new for me since Prozac caused sexual side effects which wasn't a good idea at the beginning of a marriage). I have no shopping problems, I'm happy and that's that.
The problem I have started exactly on 12/17/04 at approximately 9:00 pm. My husband and I were driving down to Missouri (from where we are-close to Chicago). A drunk driver who was also high on marijuana was going eastbound on a busy interstate. We were going westbound and there was a big median in the middle of the road, like a typical interstate. My husband saw her lose control of her car and fly into a ditch. He thought she was stuck when all of the sudden she came out of the median (still losing control of her car) and went airborne (via car) and landed right in front of our car. The accident was so horrible I thought I was dying when we were crashing-oh my God was it so scary and I'm so nervous right now even talking about it. Our car was totalled, so was hers. She came out of it with a broken collarbone. I came out of it with abdominal pain (severe) at first (and of course thinking I had internal bleeding which I found out later that I actually did have), scratches on my face, and later on-bruises on my left breast, my abdomen (4 inches wide from one buttock to another) and I am now dealing with horrible back pain. Let me also say that I am not one to complain of pain. Something REALLY has to hurt for me to complain about it. My husband and I went to the ER closeby where the accident occurred. He was on a backboard and at 4 am, they transferred him 60 miles away from me with a possible broken neck. I was freaking out. Come to find out, he didn't have a broken neck when the trauma hospital did all of the tests (and I thanked God over and over for it). Without going any more into detail, I just wonder why I'm still here, why I still exist. I am SOOOOOO glad that I'm alive but my mind works a mile a minute about this. I do have nightmares about the crash, my husband and I are talking to a psychiatrist weekly and we are going to court not only for a settlement but also for criminal and civil charges against the woman. In the meantime, we are both still off of work--I hope to return this coming Monday and my husband will probably return on Wednesday of next week. He ended up getting 14 stitches in his arm from it going through the drivers side window. Even my 13 yr old daughter is traumatized by it, but at this point she hasn't really talked about it. She wasn't with us when the accident occurred but I think she just freaked out because she wasn't there when I was in the ER. For a very long time, it was just her and I since I was a single parent and we're very close.
Sorry this is so long, but I really wanted to get involved in a support room/message board to get all of this out. Hope to talk to you all soon! Take care of yourselves.
Jen
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Thu, 01-06-2005 - 5:43am

Hi jennifer -


You are right, you went through a very traumatic event. And although happy to be alive, the psychological reaction runs deep. It is good that you are posting about it, talking about it now is very important instead of stuffing it. I agree that seeing a therapist would be a good thing to work out your feelings about it now, so that you have less of a chance of having post-traumatic stress later on. That goes for your daughter too, even though she was in the accident, she is bound to have strong feelings about it and the reality that she could have lost her parents.


Keep posting if it helps - it is good to let your feelings out, and this is a safe place to do so.

peace and love,


just_a_big_kid


Sue

peace and love,

just_a_big_kid

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2004
Thu, 01-06-2005 - 9:56am
Hi,
I'm sorry that you had to go through such a traumatic event. Good for you for seeking counseling. Perhaps ask your daughter if she would like to come along sometime, or see one for a little bit by herself. I went through a similiar incident like your daughter when I was younger, and even though I probably wouldn't have seeked help then, now I can see that even just a session or two would have helped me work things out. It's a scary time for something like that to happen for your daughter because when other teenagers are just starting to gain independence and take more risks, your daughter probably feels alot less secure. At least that's how I felt. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Thu, 01-06-2005 - 2:30pm
let me assure you that what you are going thru is NORMAL....speaking as a person who is very depressed...beleive me i have often wondered about MY existence.
when your time is up...its up...when its not its not.
that's the way it is.
on my way home from college my father fell asleep & hit a tree in a car that it turns out was recalled for faulty brakes.
once when i was in a mental hospital he referred to it as the time he subconciously tried to kill us both.
charming.
anyway....i broke my back & my face & i WAS asleep & the only reason i WASN'T severed at the knees or decapitated is b/c i WASN'T wearing a seatbelt.
go figure.
we also had our accident near the finest trauma center in the state.
today i am 100% fine except for pain when it rains.
i was traumatised by this more than subsequent motorcycle accidents & the like & I HAVE NO MEMORY of the accident so i can imagine your trauma.
actually the motorcycle accident was another telling thing b/c i was going to ride without a helment & the guy insisted we put one on.
i had just tightened my helmet when we crashed & i slid on my head.
i didn't even think about that one till just now & it made my stomach turn.
don't doubt your existence.so many peple are glad you are here 7 you had a terrible wake up call.
talk it out as much as you can..really.time WILL heal.
i'm grateful you & your husband are ok.