need a little bit of strength

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
need a little bit of strength
5
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 3:54am

i am feeling vulnerable and sad and scared right now. don't get me wrong, it is nothing out of control- i just feel like i need a shoulder to lean on and help me stand with a little more strength. i feel like this new year has brought so much reality slapping me in the face. i have seen the true sides of people in bad ways- that guy i was dating, i really liked him and it hurt how everything happened and i found out he was a player. i helped promote this really huge and hot party tonight and i was on my way out and i saw him- didn't talk to him or anything, but it was the first time i have seen him since i saw him with another girl and it just brought back the memories. and they hurt. i don't like feeling like someone is special only to find out they don't care about me and have alterior motives with me and everyone else. same thing with a bunch of other friends. guess that is the kind of circle i am in.

my lifelong close friend and ex boyfriend of 2 years from high school are leaving rigth now for iraq for 2 years. i am scared for them and i hate it.

i feel like all the men in my life aren't real and hurt me and it just makes me so sad. i just want someone to love me back and care about me and not make my heart feel like it has been torn apart and stepped on. my stomach has been a mess today too which makes me feel less strong anyways. i really just need to curl up, get a hug and cry a little bit right now and i will be ok. someone hug me please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 8:43am

(((((Vogue))))), here come lots of big squishy Irish hugs for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 9:28am
oh hun,
sometimes it takes people a while to actually show their true colors.
I know that I get into it with the wrong people but it takes me a while to see what they really are and then I kick myself for it in the end..
I am sorry that this gyuy was such a jerk but maybe it is better that you saw it now rather than gettting more involved with him and caring more about it and then getting even more hurt by his actions..so maybe seeing him with this other girl a few weeks ago was a blessing in disguise..maybe....
I have a friend Adam who is a marine and he is a teacher in the field he teaches the men and women how to kill basically to use guns and other weapons and what not he is begging his boss to send him to iraq or pakistane(sp?) and I do not want him to go I have been friends with him since I was like 14 I am 30 next month and it scares me to think that someone I know is or might be sent to war a war that I am againsgt but I wont get into that this isnt the time or place for it.
The thing that I remind myself of is that he choose to join the marines he choose to have this lifestyle he is fighting for you and me and everyone else everyday using technology and other things..he is brave and strong and he has such a love for his and our freedom that he is willing to put himself on the line for it..anyone that is in the military is a hero automatically hands down.
your friends will be fine try to not worry so much I know that is easier said than done but try at least.
Life is so interesting when you think about it we sit and wonder why me why is it happening to me why am I this way but things happen for a reason we get sick we succeed we fail we have and do all of these things but I think that there is a reason why these things happen to all of us..in small strange ways it does make us stronger each nasty thing that happens to us makes us a touch stroner and I know that youare strong and I know that you are a fighter and a good beautiful wonderful person and as courny as this sounds this too shall pass.
sending you big hugs.
Erin
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 10:33am

(((((VG))))) I know that feeling, that men are a pain and that you will never find a good one. I am right there with you in that frustration. It is hard in this day and age. I am right there with you. I wish I could give you a time line as to when your frustration will end. But I can't. All I can tell you is that we are here for you in the meantime. I know that girlfriends are not the best substitute, but have some more cyber hugs.

((((((VG))))))

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
Take care,
Lisa-)
Co-CL Depression Support

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 2:05pm

((((((VG)))))))...I'm so sorry about all the pain you've been through lately. You do deserve a guy who will treat you well and not have any ulterior motives...I'll be hoping that you do find that great guy one day. I'll also keep your friends going to Iraq in my thoughts...hope they stay safe and come back soon.

Hugs,

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 3:21am

VG,

I'm always here for hugs, Girl. You know it.

I'm probably not the best person to turn to about men. I don't think that they are all creeps. But, geez, so many of them are! The more I do therapy with women, the more I think most men have some serious mental disorders. My clients have been through crazy stuff with men -- domestic violence, rape from their husbands, infidelity, and all kinds of abandonment.

I can only reiterate what I told you before about being really careful not to trust anyone very quickly. I think that a lot of guys are willing to tell lies and manipulate just to get sex. It's a game to them.

They are looking to get laid to boost their own egos. It's not about you. It's how the society is.

Since that is the case, it's important not to look for your self-worth from how a man sees you.

I know that you want to feel loved. I think that's a core desire for so many of us. I can tell you that as much as I wanted to that, even once I had it, I didn't feel loved until I really loved who I was.

Maybe now that you are on your own, you can work on what career you want to have to reach your goals yourself, not through a guy.

I think the people in your area are living on a very externally-oriented level. I don't think that there's any area or economic level that is super down-to-earth, but that neighborhood is probably more shallow than the average place. Just a thought.

Hold onto the true friends that you have. It's a blessing to have any people who are really on your side. With all of this hurt, you are gaining insight into what that really means.

And remember that beautiful women often attract shallow men. Just a fact of life.

Call anytime,
MariaC