looking for an answer

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
looking for an answer
5
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 4:32am

Warning - TRIGGERS!!

Sorry - I couldn't go back and edit the title after I entered it, so I just had to add it to the top of the message. Forgive me - won't happen again!

Hi. My name's Carole and I'm new to this board. I've never been diagnosed with depression although I have been treated for it. When I was a senior in college, I had a sudden breakdown. One morning I woke up and I couldn't function. I went through my classes in a blur, barely keeping myself from crying, then went back to my room and fell asleep. This wasn't at a low point in my life - I had just finished my best semester ever, mended a broken friendship, and was looking forward to graduating. I went to counseling but no one could figure it out. So I was put on medication - a low dose at first so I could get used to it. Then it was supposed to be increased, but it never was and it never did any good so I stopped taking it. I eventually got better, but I barely remember anything about that semester. It's like I lost three months of my life. Since then, I have fallen into mini-depressions, usually caused by something. I'm actually at that point now - but there's an identifiable reason. I'm out of work, living in a different city from my friends and boyfriend, and I feel stuck because I don't have enough money to move back. But since I've never been diagnosed, it makes me wonder if I'm really depressed? I can't sleep (it's almost 4:30 - a common time for me to see), my appetite fluctuates, I'm overly sensitive and cry really easily, and I have horrible thoughts that are so pessimistic about everything, and I'm really moody/easily agitated. Does this sound like depression? I'm not asking for an online diagnosis, but just a little bit of validation that something is wrong with me. Ever since my counselor told me he didn't know what was wrong, I've sort of felt lost, like maybe I'm just weird or something. If something's wrong and I know what it is, then I can work on fixing it, right? Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!




Edited 1/9/2005 4:51 am ET ET by crm1979
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 10:01am
Hi,
I, of course, can't say anything for sure, but it certainly sounds to me like you have depression. I've heard of people in college that have depression and then can't remember most of the semester. For me, I also couldn't control my crying, couldn't sleep, and my appetite was greatly reduced. The scary thing was how long it took me realize that was not normal. So even if you don't have depression, something is still not right. If you can afford it and you haven't yet, see a medical doctor. They can give you a complete medical exam and bloodwork to rule out any physical causes. Maybe you just need to find a better counselor. I'm guessing that you're around my age -I'm not so sure I like the 20's. They can be so stressful! Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 10:05am

Hi and Welcome!


Well I agree Im no doctor but it sure sounds like depression to me. And if they treated you for depression then most likely they thought so too.

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 12:09pm

(((((Carole))))), I suspect everyone here can identify with your symptoms.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 4:35pm

Thanks for the backup, guys. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one struggling with this stuff. No one around me knows what it's like and they just kind of shrug me off as being lazy. I can't get them to understand because they've never been there. And I'm not lazy - I work (when I have a job) - but it seems like the less I have to do the less I'm able to do. I have to force myself out of bed and out of the house - it's like I do cheers in my head like a mantra just so I can function. Does that make sense? I have this continuous running dialog in my head... Anyway... thanks again for the support. Now that I've found this group, I will be visiting the boards often. It's nice to be understood.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 12:30am
Your not weird, my unprofessional opinion is that you are depressed. My boyfriend who I've known for 4 years up and left me 2 days ago, and he had expressed the same things that you have written. He was given some meds for depression like lexapro, which seemed to help a little, he didn't think that it helped enough and stopped taking it, and here I am at 12:30am wishing that he would have kept taking it. Try to see a doctor maybe a med like this would work for you. Depression is something that can take over so many parts of your life, don't let it get you, fight it with meds, or a therapy. Wishing you well..