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| Mon, 01-10-2005 - 3:12pm |
Hey all! I know it has been a while but my son was born on Dec. 9th and I am just now able to get on here. I am so depressed. I sometimes want to end it all but I know that if I were to do that, then my son wouldn't have a mother and my husband would not have a wife. My mother still hasn't met the baby yet but every person she sees that knows me, my mother tells them things that she is sure will get back to me to put me on a guilt trip. Even though I am still dealing with her, that's not the issue.
My husband and I are struggling so bad financially right now, it isn't even funny. (Even with the help of his parents) Then, my mother-in-law is telling me what not to do with my baby and how to do this and that and it is driving me crazy. (Even though I know she means well) I feel like I am not in control and that she is trying to raise my son. I want to put my foot down but I don't want to start any trouble because she has done so much for me (and my husband). I also don't want to offend her! I find myself crying secretly every day or trying to hide behind a smile, just like I was doing when I lived with my mother. My husband slightly understands where I am coming from but yet he beleives that I am being way to sensitive. Am I really? She also tells me how long to stretch out his feedings, not to let him sleep in the bed with me (where I can keep a close eye on him), and so on. I just want to take all my welbutrin (medicine to help me quit smoking and an anti-depressant) and just say the heck with it. I feel useless. I also feel that my son is not going to reconize me as his mother because GRANDMA tries to take over all the time. I am not jealous, but just trying to deal with all this and figure out all my emotions. I am so sorry for ramblin, even with me not being on here for a while! Is there any mothers who knows how I feel? I am at my wits end and I feel like if I don't get help soon, I honestly don't know what is going to happen to me. Thanx for listening!
(((((Felicia)))))

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Felicia)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
First off congratulations on the new son.
Hi Felicia! I'm glad you're back. I was wondering what happened to you. Congratulations on your healthy son; I'm glad that he is doing well.
First of all, let me say that Tracey is right: everyone--and I mean people on the street included--will be giving you advice for the next few years. It can be very hard to take, and I have snapped at times. Additionally, the first few weeks and months with a new baby are so hard b/c you're emotional and TIRED!! I think she gave you some good ideas on how to respond, although it may still be tough for you. Money stress, of course, is not helpful, but I'm sure you are dealing with that as best you can.
Are you on antidepressants still? Some are safe while bf, like Paxil and Celexa. It is very possible that you still have the "baby blues," but not full-blown PPD. Most, if not all, women get this in the first six weeks and it can make you feel very tearful. I remember with #2, I was going through a box of #1's clothes to see what he could use (my first was a girl), and I just started bawling at the thought that she'll never wear those infant clothes again!! OMG, I felt like my world was coming to an end.
I did the family bed with my first b/c she simply would not sleep on her own and no amount of "training" worked with her. With my second, he slept in my bed for the first couple of months, but he actually preferred his bassinette (next to my bed). He then transitioned very easily to a crib, but likes to sleep with his big sister now (he's three). The way I see it, whatever gives you all the most sleep is best, lol! If you want more info about that, you can check out the Attachment Parenting board at ParentSoup
Edit: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-psattachment
and/or this website:
http://www.kellymom.com
I think she also has info re. meds and bf.
It will get better, I'm sure. If you are still feeling really down in another month or two, it would be a good idea to see your doctor, as you may be suffering from PPD, which I had really badly with my ds.
Lots of love and big hugs to you.
~Nicola
Edited 1/11/2005 1:11 pm ET ET by mumontherun
Edited 1/12/2005 2:41 pm ET ET by mumontherun