How I'm dealing with my depression....
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How I'm dealing with my depression....
| Tue, 01-11-2005 - 9:45pm |
My story: In 2001 my grandfather died (we were soo close!) and my husband announced we couldn't afford to farm anymore and I had to watch all the tractors go to the auction to pay off the bank. I considered myself strong and tried to carry on as usual, putting together an alternative way to farm, etc. We weren't starving and it had been worse before, BUT I had never felt like 'THIS' before. It wasn't long and I couldn't function and I was constantly angry with myself and had to push myself to do simple tasks. I loved my flowerbeds, was clean and creative, loved decorating and it all just stopped. I had to push myself to make supper. I abused booze badly. If I wasn't drunk, I was hung over. When I was drunk, I was fun, 'happy', but the next day was always hell and spent on the couch. I didn't exercise, didn't answer the door if someone came over, screened all phone calls. I used food as comfort and by mid 2004 I had ballooned from 140lbs to close to 190lbs. If I made myself go out in public to sell veggies at market I would feel better and more motivated, but I had to PUSH myself to even think about going with my husband. I found myself to be anxious at times and could imagine terrible farm accidents that would make me shudder. I worried about silly things constantly. I went for therapy and went on an antidepressants. My therapist told me to 'not drink' but to 'clean out one cupboard a day and excersie for an hour each morning'. That was in 2003. I worked out one morning and that was it. I also discontinued the drug, being stuborn. I continued to suffer in my lonely world until it all came to a head at the end of this year. During 2004 I had my second miscarriage, was told I needed 'back surgery'. At 27, I was a MESS!!
I went searching for answers. To make things short, this is how I am dealing now and I feel LIKE MY OLD SELF AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2001!!!!
I started taking St. John's wart. I have been taking Folic Acid (for pregnacies) and also heard that is good for depression because of the Vit. B. I started excersing. 20 minutes a day. I limited my booze big time. I realized I was dependant on the crap and am still fighting it to this day. I began eatting 6 small meals a day packed full of veggies and good stuff and this got my metabolism just cranking! (I did all sorts of crazy diets. I even lost 40lbs once doing low-carb and gained her all back!) I eat what I want and do it 6 times a day. All in moderation and being smart with healthier choices. I got crafty. I just searched on the internet for a craft idea that would spark my interest. I started making plaser masks with my stepdaughter and had a riot!!
I pushed myself a little more each day. I know my diet and EXCERSISE has alot to do with how I'm feeling. I HATED excersising and now that I made myself do it for a few days, I actually like how it makes me feel.
I hope this helps others. I've only been feeling better for about a month now, but I can't tell you how great it feels to have my old self back.
My heart goes out to all you ladies. I wish you nothing but the best always. For the first time in years, I'm not watching 'Pretty in Pink', 'Sixteen Candles' and other 80's classics and bawling in the middle of the afternoon anymore!! Those VHS tapes are soo worn out!!!
Take care all of you,
Z
I went searching for answers. To make things short, this is how I am dealing now and I feel LIKE MY OLD SELF AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2001!!!!
I started taking St. John's wart. I have been taking Folic Acid (for pregnacies) and also heard that is good for depression because of the Vit. B. I started excersing. 20 minutes a day. I limited my booze big time. I realized I was dependant on the crap and am still fighting it to this day. I began eatting 6 small meals a day packed full of veggies and good stuff and this got my metabolism just cranking! (I did all sorts of crazy diets. I even lost 40lbs once doing low-carb and gained her all back!) I eat what I want and do it 6 times a day. All in moderation and being smart with healthier choices. I got crafty. I just searched on the internet for a craft idea that would spark my interest. I started making plaser masks with my stepdaughter and had a riot!!
I pushed myself a little more each day. I know my diet and EXCERSISE has alot to do with how I'm feeling. I HATED excersising and now that I made myself do it for a few days, I actually like how it makes me feel.
I hope this helps others. I've only been feeling better for about a month now, but I can't tell you how great it feels to have my old self back.
My heart goes out to all you ladies. I wish you nothing but the best always. For the first time in years, I'm not watching 'Pretty in Pink', 'Sixteen Candles' and other 80's classics and bawling in the middle of the afternoon anymore!! Those VHS tapes are soo worn out!!!
Take care all of you,
Z

You are right we can't run away from the problems we take baby steps to overcome them. Have you ever heard of the flyladies site? They've helped me with the housework. I set a 15 minute egg timer and then get to work. I give myself a reward like being on the computer reading, etc. for doing the work. I have a son in prison for drug related crimes, my husband had a coalmining accident in 1999 and lost his job (I fought workman's comp and social security), he had a near fatal car accident last May (stayed in the hospital a month, got a Staph infection & a blood clot), I lost my job as Office Manager at a camp and conference center where I made pretty decent money (I had been there 8 years and the director who is a priest didn't come to the hospital to see my husband or even call!), and the beat goes on. Our Jack Russel, which is like our baby since our children are out of the house went missing during the time they were cutting my husband out of the seat belt, after the local newspaper printed a human interest story in their paper she was found. It's been one ordeal after another. I go to a phyc. and I'm on antidepressant medicine, panic attack medicine, IBS medicine....on and on.
I've had two good days this week. I do exercise. It helps so much. I have to exercise...I teach water aerobics. You would love to do that...it's like not exercising it's a lot of fun.
I wish you the best. KIT
Di