CHRISTMAS! POSSIBLE TRIGGERS

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
CHRISTMAS! POSSIBLE TRIGGERS
1
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 1:56pm
I know I have not posted for a while,but I HATE THE HOKLIDAYS!I am still wrapping Christmas gifts and didn't even put up all my decorations .We lighted the tree three times maybe.
I will try to make this as concise as possible,First of all to get through the holidays,I basically tried to numb myself(didn't quite work)
On Dec.22nd my husband and I had a doctor appointment.When we got there we were told we had the wrong day.The receptionist had made a computer erroe, but we wee notable to see the doctor.I had called that morning to see if we had an appointment and was told Yes.
I had to work on Christmas Eve until 10PM and then we went to Midnight Mass.We did not do a lot of gift exchanging. Basically I gave my son money and h my husband and I bought each presents early.
Christmas dinner at my sister's was not as bad as last year .Because she hurt her knee I had helped her decorate(I could not even decorate my own house).
The day after Christmas my older son invited us to his apartment for dinner.We had not seen him and his wife for a year and not seen their new apartment.he also invited my sister and my younger son was upset(he does not like his Aunt very much; she can be psychotic).I figured she would not go because she had hurt her knee and their apartment had five flights of stairs to get there.She came anyway. Becca, Karl's wife had a delicioud ham dinner, but I found out Karl has not worked in five months.
My sister hacked all the way to New Jersey in our car, while we were there and all the way home. By Tuesday we wereall flat on our backs with a horrible virus.I called in one day sick and then had to work five nights in a row, including New Year's Eve and New Year's Day the only way I mad it to work was to sleep most of the day and come home and drop into bed.
The following Tuesday my nose began to swell , I was dizzy and my face begin to swell.
I called my boss and told her I would not be in on Tursady because I had to go to the doctor.She was very mean and threatened to fire me( she said a lot of other nasty things.)I have only called in sick three days in four years.
I was so upset that I wanted to commit suicide, and was afraid to call the psychiatric center because I feared my son and husband would be angry.That night I thought of all kinds of ways to comit suicie.
I went to the doctor the next day and had a sinus infection.He wrote me a note to take back to work,I worked Saturday and Monday and had to go back to the doctor yesterday.
Becasue os all the stress I have been scratching myself.I have a verbal contract with my therapist that I will not"harm" myself and that I will call if I get suicidal.I do not think I would have made it through the last week without her.I am sorry this letter is such a "downer" but I amm starting to come out of the depressionn and physical illness althoguh my doctor told me that I would probably have symptoms of the virus and sinus infection for several weeks. I am drained and just want to sleep
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 4:01pm

Carey,


Im soo very glad you have that contract your therapist, they really are something that helps.

*hugs