Another shaky day (triggers)
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| Fri, 01-14-2005 - 1:19am |
I am feeling decidedly shaky today. Both physically and emotionally. I have a headache and am tired. My toddler woke me at 4am screaming blue murder for no apparent reason (she does this sometimes) and then I battled to resettle her. Eventually she settled (sort of) and we got up at 7 am - almost a late sleep in! Its the last day of our weekend here. I was supposed to go to Church this mornig (we have church on Fridays here to accomodate the odd weekends) but couldn't face the hassle of the kids. The older one would be fine, but the little one would either scream blue murder in the church or cling to me if I went to help out in the Sunday School (or Friday Club as we call it).
The kids have been impossible all morning - trying very hard to murder each other. I have a pile of washing to do and that generates ironing which I hate.
Plus I forgot that I was supposed to write my weekly column until I logged onto the site this morning. I feel absolutely terrible about it. Its the one thing I love to do, and I had time last night, but forgot. Completely. So now I've let my friends down and myself. I'm thinking about telling them about my problem to help them understand, but I often think that people who haven't suffered from this don't understand and are more likely to say stuff like "just pull yourself together" or "get over it". These aren't that kind of people, but I worry anyway.
I haven't heard from my dh since he left for Afghanistan yesterday.
I just feel exhausted and tired, and when my kids are like this is it often sets off my "freak outs" which is no good for me and no good for the children. The doc gave me Xanax for when I have a freak out, but I don't know whether to take it yet. I think I'll wait and see if I start feeling better. I just have this tightness in my chest and my irritability levels have shot through the roof, I cannot concentrate, my head is sore and I just feel like a coiled spring. I'm either going to explode into tears or rage or both.
I don't know what to do. I'll get through the day. I always do. But sometimes I wonder how.
| Fri, 01-14-2005 - 12:04pm |
