how do i get back up?
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 01-14-2005 - 10:06am |
hey,
ive kinda sorted my main problems out. neither of my parents were talking to me but they are now and im getting along with them greatly. i seem to get along with my fiance too now. i dnt do any drugs anymore especially coke and i have money for law school sorted. and the part-time job i have now at uni is for my own luxuries so i dont have to worry bout money. ive started praying, reading books, having more friends and staying in touch with them(although im not back at uni yet and have exams that im studying for with a bad tooth ache!)..im trying very hard to be my old confident, bubbly and fun loving self but its so tough!
has anyone got any suggestions that i could use? i just feel discontent, like my heart feels wounded and i cant trust and im pessimistic. i think about things that may never happen and i cry at it. like, when i get married my man's gna leave me or cheat on me. and my parents will disown me one day, i shall be alone..and just little things like that, even though things are working out for me slowly, finally...
how do i start being happy truly and opptomistic?? i used to appreciate these happy moments at one time even if they lasted a day..now i cant...pls someone help me and any advice at all would be more than welcome.
thank u all sooooooo much in advance
sami
xxxxxx

hey,
i think ure right and to be honest i think i felt that my fiance would leave me because my parents have emotionally. my mum and i arent on good terms at all..she speaks to me only when she has to and i cant wait for the hols to be over so i can go back to uni! and my dad hasnt changed, wish i didnt let him back into my life. oh well u live and learn. i have exams and find it so hard to concentrate. my internet is down at hme so i have come to our local library. i dont eat, sleep and i have a stomach ache constantly..
im lost so terribly..i just wish this pain would end some how..
sami
Hi Sami,
I deal with a lot of the same things you do - I wonder if hubby will cheat, I think about being alone, and I worry and cry....I, too, have had a tough relationship with my parents, and I cry about this too (alcoholic mother and drug-using father). I can tell you that, for me, I have learned that I have to live not just day by day, but moment by moment, and remember that life could be over in an instant. When I am really sad, I try to think to myself, "if this were my last moment to live, would I want my last breath to be full of tears?" and I remember how precious live is, how short it is, and how God wants us to live life fully and put our trust in him. I remind myself that NO burden is to big for me to carry when I put my trust and faith in God, because he carries the burden for me. Remember: you might not always know what this life is about, and may not understand why sad things happen, but it is not your job in life to worry, and cry, and feel remorse. It is your mission in life to seek goodness, to love others, to enjoy life, and to trust in God that he will see you through.
You said that you have started praying...I don't mean to pry, but do you go to church? I was raised atheist and married a christian, and we go to what is called a "community" church. I am not super-religious, and I don't know the bible cover to cover, but I do know that going to my church makes me feel positive, happy, and makes my life better. It reminds me how good and precious life really is, and how there is no reason to worry or cry, because the past is the past, today is today, and life is short.
You should be really proud of yourself for conquering your drug addiction, because that is VERY HARD- CONGRATULATIONS!!!! You have taken huge strides in your life to change your attitude and actions. Just stay busy and stay positive. When you get down, FORCE yourself to laugh or do something extremely silly to break your bad mood. I have forced myself to talk in stupid voices outloud (by myself) before when I was really upset and needed to laugh. I lauged instead of crying, and made it through the moment.
Your heart will mend from its wounds when you put your trust and faith in God. You will be able to trust again as your heart mends. And as your heart mends, you will become more positive and content.
wow that was such a nice and uplifiting post senorita, thank u for that.
i really feel proud that u can see the postive things in life to me that is strength alone especially when u have a not so stable home life. for tat i applaud u. :) to be honest i have done well, have many friends and i have a nice guy on my side and i shud just trust like u said. im muslim so im meant to pray five times a day but i find tht hard so do at least 3. i have exams and theyre not goin so well...im stressed and drained. can i ask for some tips? how do u live life and not let the past effect u? i find it hard my stomach hurts bad...just a question, id love to learn from u.
sami
xxxxx
i went through the whole partying thing when i was far too young. i'm only 23 now, and when i look back it's like it was a whole different lifetime. you never forget the past, you just overcome your problems and strive each day to make life better for yourself and those around you. it takes time, so patience is important - although i know it's hard! i got involved in some bad things when i was 15, and continued through until i was nearly 19 - when i forced myself to stop by moving away from the sources. i went to college, only an hour and a half drive away, but it was far enough. i hated it because i had no friends there and i was so used to partying, having fun, doing whatever i pleased. then i had responsibilities and no friends to hang out with. i had to go out and make friends, which i have always found hard to do (who can you trust out there?). i stayed there only 1 semester, and wouldn't go back if you paid me. LOL. but it made all the difference. i was able to see what path i'd been on, very self-destructive, and i had the motivation to change my life. it made me stronger. (since then i went to school very close to home and did very well)
i have occassionally had problems. i know the reason i was suseptible to drugs was my depression as a teenager, although at first it was just wanting to have fun. later it was a way to *deal* with life. you should enjoy life, not DEAL with it, ya know?
i have had trouble going back and forth with alcohol for 8 yrs. it runs in the family. doesn't help that DH has the same trouble. so we feed off of each other at times. i will go for months only having a beer or two here and there. then for a few months of drinking bottles of hard liquor, more than someone my size should be able to, and doing it repeatedly...then suddenly it won't taste good and i'll quit. at first it starts as just having a great time at a party with friends, watching *the game* with friends, whatever. then i will find myself drinking that much at home. that's a problem! i think now that i recognize my destructive behavior, i can stop it from starting again. i have before and now i have a son who is most important to me - i don't drink like that around him anyway, but he deserves to have a healthy mom to help him grow up.
so what i'm trying to say is, the past will always be with you. but that is a good thing. you learn from it, you change because of it. it's a part of you that has made you stronger. while it is hard now, it does get better with time. i'm not a religious person, really i never have been, but a lot of people find comfort with religion and if it helps you, then stick with it! certainly it cannot hurt!
these bad thoughts you have are normal. depression causes them. i think of things that COULD happen all the time, and DH says i'm paranoid. sometimes i think i am, sometimes i think i just look at all the possibilities and it keeps me from doing stupid things. if you know there are consequences, it keeps you in line, ya know? or helps!
good luck. and remember, it all takes time!
~leslie
hi leslie,
wow ur post really hit me and it just made me think too that it did start off as fun, the e's and the coke, it was something me and my fiance would do jst for fun and to have great sex, it then got out of control. ur right, when i look at my past til the age of 17 my past made me a funny and vibrant person, i took it in my stride and turned all my anger and hate and pain into a laugh and thats all i did. then when i went to uni like 2 years ago i was alone and it hit me hard, the pain of all my years, and i wasnt the fun loving person anymore.
im starting to take all ur advice in and to all the people that have posted life is what u make it. i cant change my past i can change my future. and im happy and secure finally...hope it carries on. with the drugs ive made a huge progress i dnt turn to them at all..ive had problems at hme but i havent started to think of them as a way out. and the fact that my man doesnt do that stuff anymore helps..he was worse than me..
thanks sooo much for ur support and im so proud of u and how ure tacking ur problems,wow. :)
sami
xxx