Sister making me sad

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sister making me sad
2
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 4:10pm

Hi Everyone,

I don't usually post on this board, but I need some help...

My sister has been making me feel very empty inside and I just don't know what to do anymore...

I am 25 and my sister is 16. We have always had a decent relationship. She is 16, and can be very moody...ya know, one minute she is a little peach and the next minute she is the devil child. Anyways I've learned how to deal with those moments...

The thing is my brother brought home a new girlfriend 6 months ago. She is 32. I don't mind her at all.

Whenever the girlfriend is around my sister treats me like sh*t. last night was a perfect example as we all had dinner with my parents. If I made a comment my sister would roll her eyes or say something saracastic back. She goes out of her way to make insulting comments about me in order to embarass me. It just hurts so bad.

I'm at work right now and its really slow because of the holiday. I know my sister has been looking at prom dresses so I went to google and started a search. I found an awesome site and called to tell her. She was with my brothers girlfriend and could barely give me the time of day. I dont know why she even picked up the phone...She snapped at me as if I shouldnt have called her. I tried to keep talking and she cut me off and rushed me off the phone...So now Im sitting here trying not to cry..

She just has this way of making me feel so low...I dont know why she has a way of doing this to me, but she does...I feel like Im not good enough and she is embarassed by me when others are around...My friend says I should start ignoring my sister entirely because I dont deserve this treatment...My friend also had a fall out with her sister 20 years ago and hasn't talked to her since, so I guess its easy for her to say...I can't imagine not talking to my sister but the way she treats me is just hurting me so bad.

My whole day is now ruined...The happy little bubble I was living in is now burst and I just want to go home and crawl up in bed...

Does anyone else have any siblings like this and can offer advice...
Thank You for listening...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2004
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 3:20pm

I'm sorry things are going so poorly with your sister. Sixteen can be a tough age and girls that age sometimes have a way of acting than can make the strongest man cry.

I have a good relationship with my sister but it's taken time. We didn't become close until about 3 years ago. She's 30 and I'm 33. We are both single and on the professional track. It was many years that I could've written what I just read from you. She was insensitive, demeaning, and moody. Nothing went her way and it was her job to make other people feel like s**t.

My advice to you is this: give her time. In the meantime give yourself space. Just because your friend stopped talking to her sister doesn't mean you will. If you want a relationship with her it's best to show that and tell her that. Also, I know teens aren't the most compassionate people in the world but telling her that YOU FEEL that she treats you poorly when the brother's girlfriend is around might be a start. I don't think teens should be exempt from knowing how they affect other people's feelings. But by using "I feel" messages it might not seem so threatening to her. Beware though, she might not get it at all. In that case, let her be a teen and you be an adult. Monitor when you are all together that her behavior will be different. Call her on her verbal abuse. It's not ok.

Good luck, she'll be an adult soon.

Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 5:47pm

(((irishmoo))) Hugs for you. It is amazing to me that people we love can treat us so badly. I know that sometimes we take what our family does to us so much to heart. She can be reacting like this for so many reasons.

First, she is a teenager. Second, she is a teenager..lol. Third, she could be reacting because she does not like this new girlfriend. And can't find a positive way to adjust to it. Often people can be kind to a perfect stranger and then rude to their family.

I know it bums you out. But you are the grown up in all this, perhaps you can have a heart to heart talk with her.

I wish that I could give you an answer. I know you have every right to feel bad about this. It is so hard when family is rough on us.

Welcome to the board.

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
Take care,
Lisa-)

Co-CL Depression Support Board