Major triggers...hanging on by a thread
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| Wed, 01-19-2005 - 7:03pm |
MAJOR TRIGS--READ ONLY AT YOUR OWN RISK :)
Hi, I'm sorry to post something like this here...but I'm just hanging on by a thread, although I don't know why exactly. The sadness and frustration and pain is just getting to be too much to bear...and I have been having strong urges to take too many pills just to "get away" for a while. I don't want to end up in the hospital, though.
I'm not sure whether to call my pdoc as an emergency (which I've never done before), especially since I am not planning to do anything fatal.
I guess I could go try to exercise and work off some energy...but I don't feel like it... just don't know what to do.
I do have a pdoc appointment this Friday, but I don't know that I can wait that long, and even so, judging from my last appointment, resolving the issues I have will probably take a long while and not give me any short-term relief.
Thanks for listening...you have no idea how much I hate posting something like this here and worrying anyone...please don't worry, I really will be OK, and I hope that no one has been triggered into feeling worse.
Rose

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Rose)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I totally understand that "I am so depression that permanent solutions sound good, but I won't really do anything" mood.
Thanks so much, Trac...you're so sweet. I guess a lot of it is just the "what if" kinds of thoughts, but then again, some is probably not...I've actually already taken a little over the regular dose of Advil (nothing at all harmful), and I am fighting taking more. I don't think I would take a fatal dose...just enough to knock me out for a little while.
A friend of mine just called who knows a little bit about my depression...he was calling to ask if I wanted to come out to study with him...but I just didn't think I'd be able to sit and study without sobbing...so I said no. I told him I was feeling down, and he did ask if I wanted to talk about it, but I don't want to scare him away and/or end up acting like a fool, which I think I'd be likely to do...so I said I didn't need to...although I was already crying while talking to him.
Thanks so much for your guardian angel...that made me start crying, but in a good way. Now I'm listening to sad music and trying to get all my tears out...maybe that will help...
I guess I should have gone out with that friend if I knew what was best for me, and tried to talk about it...but I don't want my friend to see this side of me.
Thanks again, I really appreciate it,
Rose