I am out of control!!!!!!!! - Triggers

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I am out of control!!!!!!!! - Triggers
3
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 9:08pm
I don't know why I do this!! In the past week my eating has gone WAY overboard. I have a problem overeating to begin with, but this week has been crazy. I feel so out of control. When I'm stuffing my face, I know it's bad...but I don't know if I can't stop or if I don't want to stop. I try to think it through. I try to ask myself why I keep eating if I'm not hungry, but I never have the answer. THIS BITES!!! I get so mad at myself. This is not good for me. I had lost 10 lbs or so in December...now I'm sure I've gained them all back and then some. At this rate, I will never be at a healthy weight. As I stand I weigh 2X what I should. My doctor seems to think gastric bypass is the way to go, but I'm too scared to take the risk. I just don't know what to do. I hate this. I hate being fat. I'm not talking 20 or 30 lbs overweight here. I have to lose about 150 lbs!!! This is not helping my depression any. I used to cry all the time because I was fat. Now, I can't even cry about it anymore. I almost feel like I've given up. I feel like I've given up on alot of things. It's so overwhelming. Life, I mean. I'm in debt up to my eyebrows. I weigh too much. I haven't graduated college. I'm behind on bills. My house is a mess. I'm overwhelmed at work. My son is developmentally delayed and I don't know what to do to help him and the list goes on. When will it stop!!!?? Thanks for listening. I would like to cry...but I can't. I guess I will just get ready to go to bed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 10:20pm

If you'd really given up, you wouldn't have posted a cry for help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 7:27am

Hi hun,


Mary had a wonderful post to you, so Im just checking in to see how you are doing today.

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 6:27pm

My mom lives about an hour away. My sis lives about 2.5 hours away. So, it's pretty much just me. I really don't have any friends...it's hard to have a life when you've got all this stuff going on. My son will actually be starting Special Ed Pre K sometime next month. I'm still so angry with the doctors who told me to not worry so much. I have had questions about his development since he was about 6 months old...but the pediatrician we were going to kept telling me he would "grow out of it". Now he's 4 and we're finally getting what he needs. As far as my housework goes...I've got OCD tendencies that show up as housecleaning. I'm constantly cleaning...then again, I do have a 4 year old so there's plenty of mess to clean up.

I do have a therapist but we're just starting to work together. I have seen her maybe 3 or 4 times so far...but I really like her. I just can't wait for this weekend. I'll be taking a course called "Understanding Yourself and Others". It's supposedly a very profound and transforming weekend. We'll see. Thanks for your kinds words.