stressed and have a headache

Avatar for markshay
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
stressed and have a headache
2
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 10:27pm
I am feeling like I am in a no win situation. I live in a small rural area. So sometimes it just seems as tho things happen because of who's behind you are kissing up to as to how good something goes. After my dd had gymnastics and they were scored this evening and her not getting a good score (8th out of 10) and some of the other ones looking as good as she did getting higher scores, I am upset. Not sure if I'm upset at dd for not trying harder (by not practicing at home) or by feeling like it was those kids whose parents sit and 'visit' with the owner/instructor who got higher points even tho they didn't look any better than my dd. (maybe I'm just biased, and being ridiculous). I'm also upset that a girl that is in the class is an ex-fiance's daughter,which makes me uncomfortable especially since I was pregnant to him at the time I was with him but miscarried soon after dumping his sorry behind. Then yesterday a friend of mine who is a substitute bus driver was in an accident involving the bus with kids on it. That's been really hard to deal, trying to say the right things even tho I'm not totally sure if it is the right things to say. Plus this friend is turning out to be not such a positive friendship for me or my kids. I feel really badly for her and wish that her life was happier but........ She is also a neighbor. We've been doing alot of things together since I met her a few months ago and do like her, but am finding that it is starting to stress me out alot because of how chaotic her life seems to be. Anyways, just needed to vent a little. sorry to be a bother.
Sandra.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 7:10am

Hi Sandra!


Your posting is never a bother!

*hugs             

Avatar for markshay
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 9:03am
Thanks Caly for your response. So far I don't think this friend is really interfering with my family life, but it is starting to be a drain on me and increasing my depression. It's so nice to have a friend to do things with often again, but at the cost it is, I'm starting to really wonder if it's going to be a good thing for me. She's a really nice person (at least to me and outwardly she is) but she is also not a happy person who is in constant turmoil. It really makes me appreciate my dh alot more tho. I've done good to stay away from others who are in constant chaos until now. To have someone ask me to go shopping with them or come and visit them, feels really good and I jump at it (even tho there are times when I shouldn't, just because I should be home cleaning or whatever). The other day when dh and I were talking about the constant turmoil in this persons family, he made it clear to me that he thinks that I am not happy unless I am unhappy which he thinks is all the time because that's how I was raised. Makes me kind of mad at him for him thinking that I choose to be this way and that he thinks I don't want it to be any other way. (so then why do I take meds and see a psychologist and a pdoc?). Guess I am just struggling right now to accept that others are seeing me depressed and are letting me know about it. Almost makes me feel like I can be swallowed up in it since I don't need to keep hiding it. makes sense?. As long as I try to hide it from others around me, then I don't act on it as much, but when others are around me that either know how bad I feel or who are in the same situation (sort of, at least in some chaos like my friend), I feel like I get sucked back into wanting to act on it and not caring as much what they will think since it's not something I am hiding from them, which is where my fear of being in this friendship is coming from. Sorry that I am going around in circles. Thanks again for your response and letting me post and letting me know it's ok to post.
Sandra.