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Does this happen to you?
| Wed, 01-19-2005 - 10:32pm |
I'm so tired of people discounting my feelings!
| Wed, 01-19-2005 - 10:32pm |
I'm so tired of people discounting my feelings!
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Mary,
I hear what you are saying, my family has always been good at that. They discount a lot of things about me, but that's a different story.
I just wanted to let you know that I understand. You seem to be such a strong person from what i've read in your posts, I hope you don't take it anymore, and speak up for yourself. You're an adult who certainly does know her own feelings.
(((((hugs))))))
mel
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Quite maddening isn't it?
Mary,
I dont have anything to say that can change things but I hope it helps to know I agree with you totally.
*hugs
Mary,
You are entitled to your own feelings. However, some people are just not very sensitive. I hope you find someone to share your life with. However, do you think holding on to unrequited love is bad for you? I have similar sufferings (prior to marriage.) I always found I could ruminate forever if I let myself. Unfortunately, love can really be horrid at times. I have never met anyone that did not have an unrequited love. ( except for my Mom...Dad was her one and only and there was a lot of competition for him :)) People that call it infatuation are not respecting your feelings.
By the way, have you considered personal ads/online dating. Weight should not be an issue. I am very big myself. (with a relatively skinny husband :) As my therapist pointed out before I met my husband, there are a whole lot of large women with husbands :) If you are straight forward in your ad or look for someone who likes zoftig women, I think this could be a very positive way to meet men :) By the way, have you read the Rounded Healed Woman (I think this is the title.)about the adventures of a sixty something lady who found romance all over the place in the personals :)
Good luck!!!
Thanks so much to all who answered.
Mary, I think some people -think- they're saying the right thing - they just don't know how. I have these people in my life too, and I am trying to learn to pity their ignorance, and not to take it personally when they say stupid things. It's a process, just like everything else.
I don't know about the man thing. I've been married 14 years. Even though my husband is a good and steady companion, and I have male friends that I cherish, I still ain't figured them out. But they don't understand us either, so maybe that makes us even! ;-)
LadyIrish
I wanted to give the "sympathy" icon but there was none.
It must be totally frustrating that others do this to you. And it is totally out of line...unless you asked them point blank: "Is this feeling for real"? But if you did not...and they told you their opinion without you asking for it...it is beyond their duty.
I have struggled with low self-esteem all my life. So, when I say this, I don't want you to take this as blaming, because it is not meant to be.
I think people treat us how we treat ourselves! People who garner a high amount of respect would never, ever be told their feelings are not valid...it just wouldn't happen. Why do people feel so free to say that to you? Or say what they say to me? I am thinking it's some kind of feeling we give off. They detect how we feel about ourselves and thus they feel free.
So my advice to you would be to ask yourself how you can exude more respect. I am not sure how to do this either...but I have ideas. Like for me...one of the things I learned is to stop asking other people for advice on my life...since I am the one that has to live it I am the only one that can answer the questions. I need to exude that feeling so others feel that I am confident enough. Maybe that would help you. If you affirm to yourself "I know what I want" "I know what I feel" etc etc. Others would sense this and leave you a lone.
Hope this helps.
Kristina
(((((Kristina))))), you're right that self-esteem is a huge problem for me.
Another good affirmation:
"I love and respect myself" "I love and respect myself" "I love and respect myself"
You can't say it enough! And, even though you don't feel it yet...ACT like YOU respect your own feelings. Perhaps if you do then others will follow.
Kristina
((((Mary)))
Some people are very ineffetual even when they ar trying to help. It's difficult for them to know how to validate someones feelings rather than give them unwanted advice.
Personally i feel that these loving feelings are VERY REAL!!! it matters not one whit whether we are meant to be with some one or ever even see them. They can be long distance
prodi_gal
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