Should I let my friends know?
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| Sat, 01-22-2005 - 12:53pm |
Hi, I'm sorry I haven't been responding to posts lately...just out of energy. So I apologize for asking a question of my own...but I was wondering what you all think. I've had a very hard week (as some of you may know), and I've been avoiding the people who were starting to become my friends not so long ago. I've been trying to fight it...but even when I do sit with them and try to talk, I feel like I'm mute, and I spend all my energy trying not to burst into tears.
I do have one old friend here who has recently struggled with depression himself, and I got up the guts to tell him what happened a few days ago. I think it scared and confused him and made him think of me differently...but I felt like I had to reach out to someone, and he's the person I know best here.
But as for the friends I've made just this year, I'm not sure what to do. There's no way I would tell them about the ER visit now...but I'm wondering if it would do any good to tell one or two of the people I'm closest to that I'm feeling down, and that's why I have been so distant.
This would kind of be a last resort since I've always tried to keep my problems hidden... but I feel like I'm going to lose all these friends with my erratic behavior. A few weeks ago, I was laughing and energetic (can't imagine that now!), and I got together with this group of people several times over just one weekend. This week I have no idea what any of them are doing, but I know they're doing it without me since I haven't said more than "hi" to any of them lately.
Already I lost one friend here this way, at the start of the year...she told me herself that she thought I stopped liking her because I went from talkative and interested to completely distant. Sorry if this sounds like a teenager-type question...but it is so hard for me to make friends anyway, and I don't want to lose them all now.
It has been hard for me even to think about this because right now, I still don't want to talk to anyone or do anything...but I know if I wait too much longer, things could get worse with the friends situation. But the stigma of depression is so great that of course I'm very hesitant to share any of this with them.
Thanks for listening...any advice would be much appreciated,
Rose

if you really like these new friends, and would like to continue to your relationships with them, then perhaps you should tell them that it isn't personal. you do like them and enjoy their company, but you have had some very tough personal issues going on and that's why you haven't been around. you do not have to go into details! i understand that you don't want people to know, i am the same. it is hard enough to deal with depression. somehow it seems harder when you wonder what everyone thinks about your illness, so you analyze how they act and how you act and it just gets harder!
i hope this made some sense to you. and i hope you feel better soon.
~leslie
I asked that question ahwile ago on the board. I can tell you that I do not think that the friends I told think of me any differently. I do wish that some of the friends I told would have been a little more supportive. Of course, it is hard to understand unless you've experienced it yourself.
Whether or not you decide to tell your friends, I think that they'll be patient, and I don't think it will ruin strong friendships if you are a little distant from them for awhile. I think that we tend to judge ourselves alot more harshly than our friends judge us.
Good Luck!
(((Rose))) I am so sorry. I had to read backwards in posts to find out what had happened to you. I haven't been checking in much lately.
I'm glad you went to the ER that night. Please feel free to call me if you get to that point again!
As to your question about telling others, I agree that you should tell a couple of friends that you feel close to that you are struggling. You need a support system. I also agree that you shouldn't mention the ER trip. Most people do not understand. I have only trusted a few very close friends with my hospital 'visits' and only 2 people know about the ECT.
I hope you're in staying warm today. We were having a blizzard on my side of the river this morning, but the wind blew everything away and all we have now is biting cold! YUCK!!
Why don't you call a couple of friends tonight, rent a movie, order a pizza and just try to relax.
I'll be thinking of you. Debbie
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Rose)))))))))))))))))))))))
Since you want to keep those friendships and you have a hard time making them anyway, I think I would take the time to let them know that sometimes the stress gets to you and you just need some alone time.
Thanks, you all...I agree that giving my friends some kind of explanation might help... since they're not only my closest acquaintances, but I'm also going to be spending the next 3.5 years in school with them...so I don't want to make any more enemies. Trying to figure out what to say has been hard...even bringing up the subject seems really awkward, especially since I haven't talked to any of them in a while...thanks for all the suggestions.
So I'll try to say something. I did email one person just to ask if he'd like to watch a movie (I couldn't bring myself to mention anything personal over email)...he wrote back that he'd try, but he's really busy. Somehow it reminded me how I accomplish nothing with my weekends...haven't even caught up on studying, much less doing all the volunteer work this friend is doing.
I'm not even enjoying my weekend, but I'm really dreading Monday and having to face people again...just want to pull the covers over my head for a long time.
Thanks again, you all...it helps to know I'm not the only one who's faced this situation!
Rose