I need a job..but all I do is QUIT!!!

Avatar for greta2863
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
I need a job..but all I do is QUIT!!!
5
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 2:18am

Hi,

I was diagnosed with depression and OCD about 10 yrs. ago. I am definately depressed now cause my life is in shambles. I am currently taking 80 mg. of Prozac and also Wellbutrin XL. I have been on Prozac for 10 yrs. and Wellbutrin for about 3 yrs. I graduated from college in the Education field and I used to teach elementary school. In the past 2 yrs. I have had about 15 jobs. Everytime I get one (and it seems like it has been not a problem finding them) I end up quitting. I have a feeling the medicine is losing its effectiveness. I have heard of Prozac poop out before. I just don't know why I have this sabatoging behavior. I have always been a responsible person, but lately I have been so irresponsible. I have very low self-esteem. I have been applying to alot of jobs and I am praying something will come my way. I have my own apartment and if I don't get something soon, I will have to live back with my parents. I am afraid to move forward in life. I want to go back to teaching but feel like I wouldn't be able to do a good job. And I think that way with any job. I feel like I will be bad at it or people will talk about me. I DON'T want to be this way anymore. I am sick of it. I wish someone can help me. How do I stay at a job. I know I have all these bills and I don't think of the consequences when I actually do quit the jobs. It is always a rash decision for me. My last job I actually called them back because I wanted the job back but it was too late. Anyways, I would love to talk to someone that has done this. I feel like I am so alone in doing this terrible self-defeating behavior. I do have a therapist and psychiatrist but I know that I am the one that is going to have to change. Thanks for listening.

Greta

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 3:11am

Hi Greta,

This is my first time posting to this board, but I can so relate to what you wrote. These feelings are so hard. You sound like you have some impulsivity issues in addition to (or manifested from)the depression/OCD. I have that too. I don't quit jobs (but I have come close many times), but I am so quick to react and do things without really thinking them all the way through. Then I regret my actions. I feel so stupid and then I just feel worse.

I also feel like some type of an imposter. Like if I do one thing wrong or not just perfectly right - I am completely destroyed. Really I will cry for days if I don't do something PERFECT. I also feel that everyone will find out that I don't know what I am doing and not trust me at all. I think that everyone around me that does a similar job is so much better than me and that they never make a mistake and I fear that people don't like me and are talking about me. My self-esteem is so poor.

I have depression/anxiety/ADHD (or at least traits of it)/eating disorder. Wellbutrin really helps my ADHD, but I have to stop taking it when my eating disorder kicks in for fear of having a seizure and that is when my impulsivity really worsens. I feel like I carry all these stupid secrets around (fear, eating disorder, sadness) and can't share them with anyone. Medications have helped but therapsist really haven't. I have been to 3 different ones and can't seem to find one that I feel comfortable with. I don't want to feel this way either.

I guess I just want to let you know you are far from alone with these feelings and actions.

Dez

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 1:10pm


Greta, (such a beautiful name by the way)

I too am very sensitive and tend to react too quickly when hurt. I really think it is important to have someone to talk to. I think therapy is just as important as medication. So, please look into therapy. There are some places that do a "sliding scale" based on income.

Also, maybe you have just been in the wrong job. I imagine you adore children much as I do. However, working with dozens of little ones can be very, very stressful at times. Have you thought of getting a nice little boring, low stress job for now. (like at a library.) I suspect that once you really get into therapy, you will want to teach again.

I don't think living with your parents is the worst thing in the world especially if your parents are supportive. Not having to worry about rent might make it easier for you to deal with your problems more effectively.

Please keep posting to let us know how you are doing.

Selena

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 9:12pm
wow, i really feel like we have the same life! i was so happy to get your email that i wrote you this long note back and it was sent back- email me again and tell me your email address- maybe the other one was typed in wrong? or if you have another email? anyways, i think it is amazing to find someone with so much in common, and hopefully we can talk and figure out some stuff that will help us both get over the prozac/job/etc situation! talk to you soon!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2005
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 1:23am

Greta--
I know EXACTLY how you feel. I graduated in May and have suffered from depression as long as I can remember. I landed a dream job--as a financial anaylst making over 40K as my first job! But I quit not even 2 weeks into it. Since then, I've quit every other job I landed within two months. I keep using the excuse that "it just wasn't the right job for me", but now I'm beginning to wonder if there is something wrong with me. I am on Celexa right now and it seems to be working for my moods but I still feel I act too rash sometimes.

I wish the best of luck to you . Email me if you ever need someone <ltprovost@hotmail.com> (this goes for anyone reading this as well! :)

Laura

Avatar for greta2863
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 2:37am

Thank you so much Dez, Selena, Voguegirl, and Laura for your advice. I will keep you posted on my situation. And please keep me posted on yours if you would like. It is nice to know that there are caring people out there that can relate to what you are going through. Hopefully I will get a job soon and stick with it. My email address is
ocdhurts@sbcglobal.net if anyone wants to chat further.

Take care everyone,
Greta