Progress ramblings
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| Mon, 01-24-2005 - 2:54am |
I finally got to go see my doctor this morning for my first follow-up appointment. I was able to tell him even after 10 days on meds I was feeling different, I think partly because of their effects and partly because I am finally doing something about my problem.
I think the best way of describing how the meds are helping is that before when there was a stressful situation or trigger incident/memory my reaction would be instant and generally either extreme or inappropriate. ActionReaction without space in between. Now I feel likes getting to the stage of Action BREATHE Reaction. Its still not enough space for me to manage my reactions, but at least I am getting to the stage where I can distinguish the two things. My reactions are still not "normal" either but that BREATHE space has already made a difference to me.
I asked him about learning to manage the memories/stresses/triggers and he said I am not ready yet. He wants to get me to a place where the meds are at full function before beginning the next phase. If I am still up and down and all over the place, its not going to help me by rushing in trying to manage it. It made sense. Not rushing into things.
Basically he said he could already see a physical difference in me - my body language and facial expressions. Which I hadn't even noticed! He is pleased so far with my response to the meds.
I did say I was still having major problems sleeping, and he says that in most people, this is the last thing to come right, but he feels that based on my current reaction to the meds, he is expecting me to be able to tell him in three weeks time when I see him again that my sleeping patterns are improving.
I hope so. I had a particularly bad night sleeping last night, and generally, the more tired I am, the worse I feel.
I think one of the things that is helping me most is that I feel I am actually doing something about the way I am. I don't want to be the me I have been for the last year anymore. I want to be a real me, not the crazy woman who has taken over my life.
It frightens me no end when people say depression cannot be cured. Because I don't want to be like I am anymore. I hate it with a passion. That is why I want to learn the skills to deal with issues so that I can manage myself before I get into such a place again. I don't ever want to be like this again. Its too hard on me, on my husband and on my children. I want to be me.

HI Mouse, glad the meds are working, and I am not a professional, but for me, I am glad I was already in therapy when I started my Effexor 2 years ago. My therapist had to be out of state with an ill daughter, and she called me the one night, she could tell my anxiety was in full gear, and she said something to me, that has stuck with me these past 2 years, which is, "meds only do so much, you have to do your part". And never was a truer thing said in my book.
That is why I have continued in therapy, typically go weekly when she is here, as she loves to go on vacations, but the suggestions and skills she has taught me to counteract my depression and anxiety help me daily.
And for me, we are uncovering my buried feelings from childhood as my dad was an alcoholic, so that is a large part of my mental problems now.
I hope you also have good luck with the meds, and can add therapy in also, research says the combination is the best route for recovery. Take care, hugs, Josie.