What I learned this weekend - Poss Trigs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
What I learned this weekend - Poss Trigs
1
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 12:28pm

Mouselet -

I just want to say what an amazing weekend I have had. I wanted to share with you, and others who may be interested, what I learned. I learned so much about myself. First and foremost...that regardless of what people told me in my past, I am not broken, I am not incomplete and I am not their opinions. We listened to a song some of you may have used in therapy. It's called "How could anyone" by Shaina Noll. WOW! It cut through all the masks and shields I have with the first line. It's a simple simple song...but it gets to the point. I highly recommend it to anyone. It WILL touch you. The lyrics are:

How could anyone ever tell you
You were anything less than beautiful?
How could anyone ever tell you
You were less than whole?
How could anyone fail to notice,
That your loving is a miracle?
How deeply you're connected to my soul.

That song cut through it all and touched the part that was just a little girl that got picked on in school and rejected by her peers. This weekend I consciously chose LIFE...I had been stuck in depression because I was afraid to live. Mainly, because I didn't want to make mistakes. I took responsibility for my life. I took responsiblity for my decisions and their outcomes. This is not to say it's fixed forever. I have to work on it. I AM psyched and excited right now, but I know it's a work in progress. I guess the main thing was that I reclaimed my authentic power. I have read books about that in the past...but it was hard for me to understand it with my heart. I saw it in action this weekend. It was not pretty all the time...but it was real. I learned that I have been placing my power (hence responsibility) on external things. Things like work colleagues, dad, mom, siblings and romantic relationships. Their approval meant I was okay. I knew that I didn't feel anything much besides depression. I was sooo scared to get stuck in a feeling. I actually felt every feeling and went to the deep and scary parts of myself and I survived!!! I came back out and I'm still okay. It's not as scary. I felt every emotion I had been so scared of for so long. It got messy. It got scary. BUT I SURVIVED! I can't tell you how much AWE I am in today! I actually want to be around people. I want to LIVE!!! I can be sad. I can be angry. I can be happy. I can be afraid. Most of all, I just want to be alive! I CHOOSE to be alive!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 8:41am

That was a Wonderful post!


Thank you sooo much for sharing that!


We all need to know that and I hope others can read it and take strength from it too because its soo true for all of us!

*hugs

*hugs