Need some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Need some advice
1
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 6:13pm

Hi everyone,

I hope I'm on the right board for this, if I'm not then please tell me which I should be posting to, and I apologize if it's long. My boyfriend lost his mother last week to cancer and I'm looking for some advice on how to help him. Some background info...we've been together for almost two years, living together for about 6 months, and normally have a wonderful relationship. We both love each other very much and are very supportive of each other, we very rarely argue about anything. Since his mother passed away he's been very depressed and isn't really dealing with his feelings very well, he tells me that he doesn't want to talk about it, he feels lost, that there is no hope for anything anymore, he's not happy and he wants to run off and be by himself. He has been very irritable lately and we've been bickering about small things that we never would have bickered about before...we've never been like that. My girls and I have been trying to be as supportive as we can for him, give him time to himself, do whatever we can to help him. I don't even know if I'm handling this right or not, but while I don't force him to talk about it, I've been telling him that it's only been a week, he has to give himself time to adjust, to come to grips with her death and that eventually it will get easier to think about and talk about...it's only been a week, to give himself a break...he's not superman! I got him a cabin in the woods to go to by himself this weekend...he loves camping and being out in the woods so I'm hoping that will help him clear his head a little, maybe even let some emotions out, deal with things when nobody else is around? I don't know what else to do...I'm so afraid that he is going to throw away our relationship and move out to be by himself. I guess I just don't understand completely how he's feeling....how he can want to be alone when he has people here that love him and care about him and are trying to help him. It's very frustrating for me, and I would appreciate advice from anyone on how I can help him get through this without running from us. Thanks in advance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 9:03pm

Hi hun,


Its soo wonderful that you want to help your boyfriend and I am so very sorry for his loss.

*hugs