Depressed, anxious, stay @ home mom

Avatar for isabelle555
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Depressed, anxious, stay @ home mom
6
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 1:34am

I am a stay at home mom (32 years old) of 2 girls, ages 1 1/2 and 2 months. My husband is wonderful, works full time and we just moved into a new area a month ago (from a small town to a large city). I am feeling overwhelmed, lonely, anxious, and a little paranoid. I am anxious about DH's safety when he leaves, and feel relieved when he gets home. I don't have any friends in my new area yet, but it's hard for me to leave home to "get a life" when DH has the car all day, and I have these two kids. I feel strange and have an exposed feeling when I do manage to venture outside, even to grocery shop on the weekends. I now have my groceries delivered. I am isolated in the middle of a metro area, but I feel anxious about going out, and scared. I have never been like this before. I had many many friends in my old area, and before the kids came along, I saw them all regularly. I usually only see my husband, other than that, I am alone.

I feel like I am gasping for air; I cry for strange reasons, I am paranoid about my family and their safety, I love them so much. Am I the only one who feels this way? I realize I need help, I need something. I just keep telling myself to grow up and get a grip, but I settle back and hide in my house, and play with my kids day in and day out. DH knows I feel alone, I've talked to him some.

This anxiety has led to binge eating as well - it's the most pleasure and comfort I get. I feel so pathetic, and when I cry, I feel like my 1 1/2 year old might and tell myself not to give in to crying.

Help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 8:31am

Hi Isabelle and Welcome to the board.


I can certainly understand how in this day and age you can feel somewhat unsafe in a big city especially if you are not use to it. What you need to keep telling yourself though is that the percentage of anything bad happening is sooo very low when you think about the millions of people in the world that is not truly worth thinking about.


To help you get use to the new area, what if you tried to get out on the weekends and explore a bit with your husband so you are not alone?

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 1:15pm


Hello Isabelle,

I imagine it is very hard for you being primarily responsible for a 18 month and 2 month old. I think being overwhelmed is something any mother would feel. Unfortunately, it is not the good old days when my mom (a stay at home mom of three girls) could just go next door for a coffee clatch with the other stay at home moms. (not to mention she always had her mother in law and sister in law to call on when she was really stressed.) I think the break down of the extended family and lack close neighborhoods puts alot more pressure on people.

I think you should ask your husband to watch the kids once a week or twice a week and get out. Even if it is only going to the library or around the block. I really think things will get better when your girls are a bit older and a little independent. I think you should see your doctor and ask about anti-anixety drugs. Also, you should also check out the anxiety board. They chat on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 9:00 pm Taking about your anxiety might be a help. Try it out tonight!

Hugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 1:35pm

((((((((((((((((((((Isabelle))))))))))))))))))))


I did the same thing you are doing about two years ago, moved from a rural community where I lived in the country to the big city.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2005
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 9:25pm
I just wanted to quickly give my 2 cents about one thing someone else mentioned in a post about possibly talking to your doctor about short term meds. I am a retired behavioral neuroscientist, so I know something about this. It is important to understand that there are 2 types of causes for depression/anxiety. If it is caused by an internal chemical imbalance, then meds can help. If it is caused by external changes in your life, you need to talk with your husband, maybe a therapist (psychologist, not a psychiatrist) and try to deal with it without meds. There is a huge problem of overprescribing of these neurotropic medications, especially by Obgyns and family practice physicians, who are the last people who should be dealing with those types of medications. You said in your post that you don't feel like yourself and that the anxiety etc. isn't normal for you. That means that most likely you are not suffering from any sort of "chemical" problem and don't need chemicals to fix it. It sounds like you are feeling very alone and the problem could be completely "fixed" by following some of the wonderful suggestions that several people have already made. You may need to step out of your comfort zone in the beginning, but as soon as you meet a couple of people it will get better. Anyways, just my 2 cents, good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 10:05pm
Hi Isabelle!
Sounds to me like you need to speak with a professional about these symptoms. I, too, suffered from mental health issues in my 30's and was lucky to get help. Don't feel like you can 'get over it' necessarily. The doctor will discuss things with you and may prescribe a drug that could lift these anxious feelings from your life. Don't wait. Eating will not solve anything and will only make you more anxious if you start gaining weight. I hope you get the answers you deserve. Hang in there!!!!
Avatar for isabelle555
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 11:50pm

Thank you so much for your replies. You're right about it might not being chemical; my ob said it could be post partum depression, but I am going to do more research. Once I can get past making excuses not to go out, I will try it. I know my life the way it is currently is not healthy or "normal". Being paranoid isn't my usual way, especially when I fear everytime my husband leaves to go to work. I've never been that way before, and I am not quite certain it's all about being in a metro area. I'll post more later, and I am feeling better as I read the posts.

Isabelle