I cant believe my so-called life!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
I cant believe my so-called life!
11
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 9:00pm

I dont know why I'm posting on this board other than the fact that there is not one living being that I can talk to. That is because I am so ALONE! I have no friends, no significant other - nothing. There is no one in my life but me and I never thought my life would be this way. I use to go out and do things in order to be around people and possibly make friends, but people really dont care to befriend me. I find that baffling because I really do try to treat people the way that I'd like to be treated. I dont mind being the first to extend friendship - in fact, I've done that, but nothing ever happens. In my heart I truly believe that I am cursed because the circumstances surrounding my life and the way things have happened are just too odd - it makes no sense.

I'm very well educated, financially stable and very intelligent, so why do females refuse to be friends with me? Why do men act like I dont exist. I'm not unattractive, but I refuse to believe that it has anything to do with my looks because I believe there is someone for everyone regardless of what a person looks like.....obviously, my belief applies to everyone except me.

I've been alone for years now and I truly believe that God forgot that He put me here. I find it hard to believe that a true God would subject someone to this type of life. Actually, its not a life - I dont have a life, I'm just existing. I go from one day to the next with nothing to look forward to. I cant call this 'living'. Its such a pathetic existence. Never in a million years would I have thought my adult life would be like this. If one could truly die from loneliness, I would have ceased to live years ago. I just wish that I had something to look forward to. I've been told that at least I'm alive and in good health. Good health, yes. Alive....I dont think so. This is not living and if this is all that I have to look forward to then I could care less about my future. I have no intention of ending my life prematurely, but yet, I do not look forward to day after day of my life as it is now. I feel as though I've done all I could to change this - if there is more that I can do, I'm clueless as to what it is. All I know is that this is not living and I feel as though I've been cheated by God.

Thanks for letting me say this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 10:56am
I was reaching out. I just wanted to hear that there is something good about this life. I need to feel like my life means something even if I am all alone, but no one here will talk to me. I know that you all dont know me - I'm new here. I also know that you have your own problems that you're dealing with, but I thought this board was for encouragement. If there is no encouragement to be given, then maybe a 'hello'. I dont want to upset the order of things on this board; I dont want to upset anyone; I just want to know that I'm not invisible. I want to speak to someone other than my pets.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 11:20am
Hi and welcome to the board. I felt terrible when I read your last post. I hope you know that no one was deliberatly ignoring you. Sometimes there just aren't many people around to read and answer posts during the week. Usually I would be in my classroom right now ---but am off today due to an accident with the car yesterday. So forgive us all, this is a very warm, caring board with great Cl's.
There is plenty good about life, altho I do understand when you say you think God may have forgotten about you.
Please continue to hang in there and post here. We care. Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 11:36am

Thank you, Debbie. Realistically, I know people are busy and a lot of us are at work. Its just that sometimes I feel like I'll explode if I dont have some type of human interaction. Sometimes I feel like I'd do anything just for a conversation. I'm at work and you'd think that I could find those things here. But I dont. I sit alone in my office and people do come in on occassion, but outside of topics pertaining to the job, conversations do not exist. I'm not aware of it, but maybe I'm projecting something negative - I dont know, its just a guess.

Thank you so much for your response. It meant more to me than you could ever know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 12:32pm
Hi again, I do know exactly what you mean about needing some human interaction. I am a teacher--so usually when I'm at school I'm okay (as far as interaction goes that is) I am kept busy with students---but when I do have a break there is always someone to spend a few minutes 'chatting' with. My bad times are in the evenings. My husband gave up trying to understand depression years ago and I don't even try to talk to him much anymore.
I doubt that you are sending out negative vibes. Maybe the people in your office just try to keep things on a very professinal level. If you want to---feel free to e-mail me thru my profile. During the school day I am usually too busy to check my e-mail---but today I am around more than usual (altho in pain !) and will be checking in from time to time. Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 2:40pm

OOLala


Welcome to the board!

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2004
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 4:07pm

I tried emailing thru your profile to let you know that it might be fun to email to get to know each other. I'm single, from WI, 33, have cats, and have tons to talk about. Email me thru my profile. I like to know other people are out there during the day. Seems less isolating.

Sara

Avatar for susan970002
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 5:26pm

Dear oolala,
Hi. My name is Susan and I just wanted to tell that I have been in your shoes before and know what it's like to feel alone. I am new to this board too but I wanted to welcome you and let you know that you can email me at susan9700002@yahoo if you want to talk by email, if not I will check on here for responses from you.

When I was in your shoes, I started volunteering at the local humane society and made a great friend. Someone who loves animals just as much as me and we also share common interests. I believe that friends will come along when you least expect it. I suggest you start volunteering for an organization so you can get to know new people. Not only will you meet new people you will also expand your mind and get to know different concepts. Hope this helps you.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 5:27pm
hi there. my name is leslie, and i'm in and out of here during the week mainly. on the weekends DS doesn't like for me to be on the computer, and though i try to enforce the fact that i don't JUST do what he wants to do when he wants to do it, it gets very hard to type with him pushing buttons nonstop, shaking my arms so i can't type...you get the picture!
i have a hard time making friends as well, but i don't usually go out and try either. DH says i should but then he doesn't do it either and i honestly don't know how to go about it. we have many of the same friends now, in the way of couples to absorb friends, and they aren't exactly the most stimulating of people. LOL! at least there ARE people out there that know me, and i'd like to think they like me, in the end they aren't really my FRIENDS. i don't call them, nor they me, we don't hang out except on a rare occassion en masse at a party or in the summer at one of the lakes. i wouldn't feel comfortable calling and saying *ya want to go shopping?* or *you want to have dinner out with me tonight?* it's not that kind of relationship!
i don't even have an at work atmosphere currently, as i lost my job just before christmas and haven't found a new one. hard to find something that will pay enough to be worth working (with child in daycare) and offer decent insurance and stability of hours. plenty of fast food jobs (which i refuse to do, call me stuck up but once you get into it, getting out is very very difficult) and waitressing jobs...i refuse to wait tables ever again. doing that in college was bad enough. so yea i'm picky, but if you have to do it everyday, you want to do something you like (or at least don't hate!).
ok that's me...hehe. more than you expected i bet.
hope you are having a decent afternoon, at the very least. and we aren't so bad here, really, just people come and go at different times.
~leslie
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 7:47pm

Caly, thank you for your response. Sometimes I feel like I'm being childish when I talk about what I'm feeling. I usually keep it to myself (I guess there's not much choice in that, lol) but there are times when my feelings come out whether I want them to or not. I've been alone for so long that I have really gotten very good at masking my feelings but obviously there are times when....

Anyway, I think you had some good points. I think I will try to find a hobby or group, or something. It wasnt possible before because I had a night job which I took only for the sake of coming home to an empty house every nite, but now that I've quit, I agree that I need to find something that can help me forget about my situation or at least feel better.

Again, THANKS!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 7:54pm

Hi Leslie, Thank you. I know this is a wonderful place.... it came highly recommended. A doctor told me about it when he thought that I could benefit from some type of group therapy. I hope he's right. I feel bad for being impatient - people have lives outside of these boards. But at that moment, I was really at a low point and I just needed to talk. I apologize to everyone here for my impatience, but I'm not that rational when I'm hurting.
I think being here will help me. I hope that I can help someone else in return.

Good luck in your job search!!!

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