Would I be missed?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Would I be missed?
12
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 12:55am

Hi,

I have been here before but was under another name. Anyway, as I approach 40 & still single, I find I am getting depressed more easily. I don't feel like reaching out to people, friends who I thought were my friends are too busy with their own lives...husband,s. others, kids...

I have thoughts of "who would care if something happenned to me".

I have been on meds & therapy & probably have been deprssed my whole life.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
In reply to: jstbu
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 8:58am

You would absolutely be missed.

Avatar for svetlana1833
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
In reply to: jstbu
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 10:15am

I've been depressed probably my whole life too. At least all my adult life, anyway. And I've wondered the same - who would miss me if I just disappeared? When I'm down, I convince myself that I'm pretty much replaceable - but that's just depression talking. Sure, someone else could do my job - but not in the same way. My husband could marry someone else - but she wouldn't be me.

Mary's right - we all touch people, and in ways we'll never know about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
In reply to: jstbu
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 10:28am

Thank you for writing. I am not feeling suicidal nor sorry for myself. I have read through the stories here & appreciate the response.

My family, hmmm. My sister who is 6 hours away has her own family & doesn't want to be closer than we are...we have never been close. Dad has enough in his life after having a stroke 3 years ago. He is 85% back but has a caregiver. My mom dies many years ago.

I find myself exhasuted trying to stay connected with people. I figure if they aren't responding back, then they are too busy. People only have so much time in their life to care & at my age they have moved on to families of their own & personal relationships.

I have tried everything. I have realized I am screwed due to bad parenting. I have read all the self-help books, tried therapy, meds. It's just the way it is. I am also really tired of trying to change or lift myself up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2002
In reply to: jstbu
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 11:28am

Hello, I am not single. I am married with two beautiful little girls and a wife who loves me. I have a large family, last of seven kids. Yet, I feel the same way that you do. Sometimes I feel the only reason I am alive today is my wife and kids. I feel I don't matter to my family(whole famly, not imediate). I see new people come into the family(wives of siblings, spouses of nieces and nephews) that are more important and get more attention that I do. I am not seeking attention but the feeling of knowing that I matter and I really think I don't. The family seems to be one big competition and full of clicks and I no longer want to compete. I feel like I never want to attend another family function, but I feel I need to o keep my kids involved.

A book someone let me read helped (a little, not alot). especially if you think you are alone and don't matter. It is called "The Five people you meet in heaven". It tells a story of someone who dies and five people whos life he affected are there waiting to tell him why.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
In reply to: jstbu
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 1:29pm

Thank you, but that is my point exactly to you & other posters. You have someone that needs you...you have a mate, a husband. I am not saying I am nothing without someone, but I don't believe that this life should be lived alone. Life is about sharing it with someone. Yeh, I get joy out of helping others, owning a dog & a cat, but it just isn't enough. Yes,m and I have compared my life to victims of war, natural disasters, but it doesn't seem to matter.

I am resposible to noone and given that, that is why I question my purpose on this planet. I could really care less how I have affected people's life. I mean...whhhooooopppie. I know I am a good person, but it is not enough.

Anyway, that is the difference...I'm sorry to be cras but it is just difficult I think for people to relate to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
In reply to: jstbu
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 1:35pm

you have a resaon to live whenever you look at your children or feel the warmth of your wife laying next to you. The rest of the family stuff is just that stuff aka as crap.

I feel for you...& thanks for responding.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2002
In reply to: jstbu
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 1:47pm
It is not for you to say how I should feel. You are no different than anyone else who cannot relate to me. If your comments were made to make me feel better.. which I'm sure they weren't... you failed. I am tired of people telling me how I should feel.
My only point was that you don't have to be "alone" to feel "alone". My feelings and situation do not just affect me, they affect my whole family.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: jstbu
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 1:59pm

HI and welcome


Sometimes it is difficult for us to understand how another person is feeling because we cant be in their shoes but we do our best based on what that person shares with us and based on our own experience.


I hear you saying that Life is about sharing it with someone,

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
In reply to: jstbu
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 3:32pm

Sorry Golfdognut,

I was not trying to discount your feelings. I guess from my perspective I find it difficult for a person who has someone to understand.

My apologies.

Boy, being new here I manage to alienate even strangers. I am doing great don't ya think.

It's not that I don't care, but I am tired of trying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2002
In reply to: jstbu
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 3:44pm
Appology accepted!
I come to this board because I feel i have issues. I don't know if it is depression or what. i believe it is. I have been to a pychiatrist a few times (a few years ago)but was uncomfortable with him as he sat there looking over his glasses and then quicking offering some free samples and an RX to Paxil. i did not like the side effects..mainly sexual. I recently read about a situation called Dysthymia and the symptoms seems all too familiar.
Everyone on this board is here for a reason, either to get info/support or to give it.
I wonder which is worse to be alone or to feel alone. If you are alone you may find someone, but if you are not alone yet feel that way... what is the answer?

Pages