I don't understand

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
I don't understand
14
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 3:38pm
People keep telling me you can't love someone else until you love yourself.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 5:55pm

First, I can't imagine why you don't love such an awesome lady as yourself. But I am positive you are working on that issue. I believe that you can love others just fine. I know you give us some great love here. We are a lucky place to have you here.

These people are spouting out psycho babble that is ridiculous. I feel that your ability to show love will eventually leak into loving yourself. But you have to make an effort.

Five things I love about Mary:

1. She gives her heart freely.
2. She has a creative mind.
3. She is bravely writing a romance novel.
4. She always says sweet and wonderful things to me, when I need to hear them.
5. She is on the path to learning to love herself.

Please put yourself on that list soon. But don't let other idiots bring you down.

Life is a journey. Not...day one be born...day two learn to eat and sleep....day eight thousand ninety seven learn how to love yourself.

In your own time you will figure it out.

In the meantime, tell them to kiss your fanny.

Hugs,

Lisa-)
Co-CL Depression Support

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 5:58pm
(((((Lisa))))), you're one awesome lady, and I'm blessed that you're my friend!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 10:59pm

Mary, you would not have me as a friend if you had not been such a wonderful friend in the first place.

To have a friend you must be one.

Now do you see why I am so surprised that you can't love the sweet lady Mary I know?????

Hugs,
Lisa-)

Avatar for svetlana1833
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 10:25am

Mary, I have asked myself that same question many times over the years! I think what happens is that sometimes we reach out to other people when we should be reaching out to ourselves - because it's easier. Loving someone else, I think, is easier than loving yourself. Loving yourself is like a truth you don't want to confront. It's hard, and can be painful, because it also means you have to acknowledge (and embrace) your faults.

Plus, as women, we get taught not to take care of ourselves, but to take care of other people first. So we get programmed NOT to love ourselves. Is it any wonder, then, that women get depression twice as often as men?

Anyhow, I am on that same road, and I know how bumpy it can get. ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 12:33pm

I think of it a little differently but along the same lines.. maybe this will make sense.


You can love others but wont be truly happy till you love yourself too.

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 6:49pm
(((((Lisa))))), it's hard to love yourself when you've had it ground into you from your cradle through your 40's that you're stupid, ugly and worthless.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 6:52pm

(((((Caly))))), you make perfect sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 8:43pm

Mary, I think I am going to try to take a stab at this one myself, but you are right it is a hard concept to wrap your mind around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 10:11pm

(((((Trac))))), it does make sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 10:53am

hey irish lady,

can i just say, i have read so many of ur posts and uve even helped me on many occassions. i am not just saying this for the sake of it but i think u are truly soo nice and kind and have such a big heart. i knw how u feel bout being told things and believing them. i was bullied by my dad all my life and now he's back in my life at the age of 20 he carries on with his selfish ways. i have to do everything my mother says or im cut out of her life which includes getting to knw my selfish father. ive been in a very weird and intense relationship for the past 3 yrs and although it just ended im still hurtin soo badly inside. everyday is a chore, i cant seem to go out because when i make time to go out with friends 80% of the time im let down.

im used to let down and conditional love i havent seen anything else all my life. but yet, in my heart i have soo much love for my mum,my dad and my ex fiance...i am also working on loving myself, ive been giving myself treats and make overs and self help books, havin new hobbies but it still doesnt fill that void and i can tell u i am doin everythin and i am desperate to feel better...i will pray for u and hope that one day u can fill that void and love urself as well as loving others.

:)

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