Help need outside imput.
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Help need outside imput.
| Thu, 01-27-2005 - 6:30pm |
I am lost, depressed, and when I talk to my friend, she tells me to sell everything and start a new life somewhere else. I don't see that as a viable option. I have had to say the least a difficult life. My father died when I was 22 and left me with the responsibility of raising my little sister, on his farm. For the past 12 years I lived for her. Now that she is out of college and has her own life, and my full attention is on me and my life I have noticed things that I never seen before. My boyfriend of 17 years was a drug addict for the last 5 years and I had no clue. He's now clean and I know that he loves me but I don't know how to let that go. People I thought were friends really were using me. Everything I try to do, build a new house, go to school, keep the farm going, work, relationship, friends, family, it all seems to fail. I find myself shrinking deeper and deeper into myself. I have tried antidepresssants but they didn't help. I dont know I feel cursed and doomed to be everyone fix it girl, and how do I do that when I can't fix myself. My boyfriend says that I am crazy maybe he's right. Maybe I lived foreveryone else and now I don't know who I am. If I don't figure it out soon I will lose everything. Thank you for letting me vent.

you should attempt not to block everything together, as in to say nothing works out for you. when i'm down, i do that too, and it's certainly easy to considering how things tend to happen all together! but it's life, it happens, and we need to take each problem and each day a step at a time.
you friend has mentioned one possibility. you could sell the farm, and whatever else you might own that can't be taken with you, and you could move away. ultimately is that solving your problem though? will you feel better, will you have changed anything, by leaving? you might feel like you ran away, if nothing is really changed. the problem may be your perception of your life and not really a specific problem at all.
have you tried counseling? you said you tried antidepressants and they didn't work, but there are a TON of antidepressants available today and they do take time to start working.
if one psychiatrist doesn't seem to fit, there are always others! if they won't listen to you that after the appropriate amount of time, a specific drug has not helped, get a different doctor rather than assume that nothing will work for you. something probably will, you just have to be patient.
patience is difficult when depressed, i know that well. just take it a day at a time.
i hope this helped a little!
~leslie
anyway, i lost the baby and had surgery a week and a half ago, and will be going back on meds soon. but obviously not paxil. i have had to stop it 2 other times in the past, the first wasn't so bad, the second made me really sick, and this time was so bad i swore i would NEVER EVER put myself through that again! weeks of being so dizzy you can hardly walk, feel like you are falling even in bed, unable to eat...didn't help that i was pg as well i am sure. but i do want to TTC sometime, probably next yr, and will have to stop paxil again if i were on it. i am also afraid it had something to do with my 2 m/c.
i hope you find some help with counseling and meds, and of course a hobby or something would be good too! i will be job-hunting next month. yippee.
~leslie
Hi and Welcome!
Its never to late to start a new life!
*hugs
I understand what you are saying, you have invested so much and not getting much return, it can be exhausting, draining and kills self-confidence, but just step back and look at what all you have done BY YOURSELF, it is amazing, I have learned the hard way to trust what my little voice is telling me, I thought for a long time I was just being selfish or I was being too hard on something or someone, but now as I have gone through some very tough times I know my "little voice" was on target. Trust yourself, be good to yourself, anyone that has done all that you have done has got a lot going for her.
God Bless
Lynette