waiting for life to start
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| Sun, 01-30-2005 - 7:55pm |
i have this quote up about not waiting for life to begin but realizing that it is right now. i have not been following my own advice- i have been letting the world pass me by lately. i feel like there are so many things out there- opportunities for MONEY, love, life- and i see them at my fingertips but can't reach them. i am doing nothing with my life, and trying really hard on the inside to make that change but not having that desire translate onto actual behavior. i have been home sick for the past week and it has taken its toll on my spirit. today i was feeling better enough to do something but i stayed in my pjs until 4pm- i did get dressed and walk to the bookstore and spend some time there, but now i am back home feeling sad and lonely and hopeless again.
i just don't know how to start. i can't have a job at an office 9-5- i would make myself miserable. i am such a hard worker and can have such passion, i just can't find something that i can throw myself into and that will pay regularly too. i have been working day to day for this company and i think some of the people don't even want me there anymore- and i'm not getting paid enough anyways- but i really like it there and like what they do. it's the only job i've had where i don't dread it and it makes me feel good- i can't figure out how to tell them to pay me more and give me a regular position.
i am sitting in my uber-expensive apartment and dwindling away what little money i do have. i am sad. i don't know what to do with my life so i can't even start something. i tried to have fun being single, but that's not fun anymore. i envy people with money and love. i neeed to figure out how to get those things for myself. thanks for listening.

((((((VG))))))))) I could have written so much of that post. I too often feel that way. Like my life some how stalled. I wish I had more to say except: I feel you!! I know what you are going through. I wish there was some key to this engine of our life.
All we can do is the best we can, one day at a time.
Sometimes one minute at a time.
Good to see you, I always like seeing you on the board.
Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
Take care,
Lisa-)
Co-CL Depression Support Board
Me too! I'm 37 and I feel like I'm still waiting on. . . something. I don't know what it is. I hate this feeling of "there's something still missing" when the truth is that I really have everything I need. Then I feel guilty for not being satisfied with that. I don't have a lot of money, but I have enough for what I need when I need it. Sometimes there's a little extra and I can get a new pair of shoes or something. But I don't even need shoes. I have plenty of those too.
I do want to change my job, which is why I went back to school. I figure if I can hang on to a low-stress job (with plenty of vacation and sick time) while I'm in grad school, I can concentrate on school more, and upgrade my job when I'm done. That's going to be about two years, though, so in the meantime, I have to find some patience somewhere.
Like Lisa said, one day at a time - sometimes one minute at a time.