Is she really a best friend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Is she really a best friend?
2
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 10:59pm
Hello, I have this friend whom I call "best friend". She's been one to me for 3 years now and for that whole time she has lied to me, and some of the things are pointless too. Only some things have bothered me, but I usually just let the rest slip. She has a new boyfriend now and on Friday she broke a promise to me and left me in tears. She walked off with her boyfriend leaving me all alone with a guy that her boyfriend had brought (his friend). She started kissing him and they started touching each other, even when she promised me she wouldn't do it in front of me again. So when we got back to my house, she threatened to leave because she said I was mad at her for no reason. She started to ignore and I started to cry. She also continues to tell me about what her and her boyfriend do while they're "alone" together, and yes I am jealous because I don't have a boyfriend to share feelings with at the moment. I'm depressed again and I don't know what to do. Please help. If you have any questions just put them on the site and I will answer them for you or ask me for my email address if you would like to ask me there. Thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2005
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 11:26pm
I know exactly how you feel. When I was in high school I was allways a tag a long with one of my friends to all her boyfriends houses. I'd get there and I'd either be left alone or left with there little brothers and sisters, it was horrable. I had never had a boyfriend, I'd never even been kissed, and I I heard was what they did, how long it was, how good it was... and so on. I've been out of high school for 4 years now and I haven't talked to this girl much. Really she may not know what she's doing bothers you. but my advice is stop hanging around her so much and see what she does. If she doesn't ask what is wrong then she's not a friend, if she does ask and gets upset about it then she's not a friend. You need to find friends that care about your feelings, not what they did with there boyfriend last night.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 11:29pm

Hi baby blue,

You sound like you're a really good friend - you support your best friend and you always try to be there for her. However, (from what you describe) your best frend sounds like she's her own best frend. Does she always make you feel like this, or is this situation a fluke thing? Is it possible to take a break from your friend? I think the first thing you should decide is if this is somthing you want in your life. If it's not, then start creating a life of your own. I know that's easier said than done, but you can try baby steps; go shopping with a co-worker, take a class, or pick up a new hobbie. Start doing things that make you happy and wean yourself from your friend. I have learned life is too short to hang around people that make me feel bad about myself. I have had friendships that I've had to let it go just for my own sanity - this includes with my own best friend of 17 years. After we parted ways, I was lonely, I had no friends, and I kinda missed our friendship, BUT, I could not keep up with her. At that time we wanted different things in life. She was "living la vida loca" and I'm the mother of two, I'm in bed my 9 p.m. After three years, I decided I missed her enough to turn the other cheek at her wild life and contacted her. At the same time, she realized the nightlife really wasn't her scene and needed some grounding in her life. I think we needed that time apart in order to truly appreciate each other.

So I hope this helps. I think if you have to ask the question, you already know the answer. Take care, you sound like a lovely person.
Big hugs,
Monica

 

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