Totally Unloveable.....(Trigger)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Totally Unloveable.....(Trigger)
7
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 5:39pm

I am totally unloveable. I am 43 never been in love, never will be in love. Never had sex, never will. I am fat, ugly, and depressed.

But is it any wonder no one wants me.

My destiny is to be Sad and Alone for the rest of my life.

callie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 6:34pm

Hey callie,

(((hugs))) i dont knw what to say but my heart goes out to you. firstly ure not unlovable! there's something great in each and everyone of us. secondly, not being in love isnt a bad thing i mean most of the time it infatuation..hope it's spelt correct. maybe im being synical but im just thinkin positive to what ure sayin. and not ever having sex, well if uve never been in love with someone why would u want to give urself up to someone?

im sorry if im talkin dribble, but recently ive learnt to everythin u say every negative turn it into a positive. apart from what u said, im positive there's so much uve acomplished in life..do u work? do u have any hobbies? what kind of person are u? artistic, funny, party animal...u will play a significant part in peoples lives and pls dont forget that..and oh life starts at 40 :) try and rethink ur self to being more positive, when u feel good u will start to see things differently, i knw its a huge hurdle to get ova but u can do it.

sami

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 9:11pm


Callie,

I am definitely fat. (though not ugly :)) I am also a survivor of depression. Do not allow being fat to define you. It DOES NOT MAKE YOU LESS OF A WONDERFUL PERSON. I did not get married until my mid thirties AFTER I decided that men would have to take me as is or forget it. I think alot of this has to do with your self esteem. 43 is not old. You have alot of living yet to do. I know life has many disappointments. (I cannot have a biological child for instance. This tears up my gut at times.) I understand how hard it is to be fat in this thin obsessed society. AT one time in my early twenties, I was actually thin and considered very attractive. Getting fat was deadly to my self esteem until I realized EVEN the most beautiful woman ages and loses her looks.

Can I suggest brain storming to find solutions? Maybe consider taking a 10 minute walk a day. Try drinking 8 glasses of water. Work on meditation. Read biographies of women that overcame obstacles in their lives. However, most of all, seek therapy and medication. YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR DEPRESSION.

Keep us posted.

Avatar for svetlana1833
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 10:21am

Callie, try belly dancing.

Now, before you laugh at that suggestion, let me tell you this: I dance with a group of queen-size ladies. (I'm the odd one out at 130 pounds!) One of the very best dancers in my area, who is also a dance teacher, is a queen-size lady. She has such a GREAT time dancing that her size isn't even an issue. Her two little daughters see her as a confident, beautiful, goddess-size woman.

Belly dancing is great because it can help you be more confident in yourself and get you moving in a FUN way at the same time. There's also something magical about carrying on a millenia-old women's tradition - it really puts you in touch with the women who came before you.

If you are really self-conscious at first, you can learn the basics at home with videos. Seriously. Give it a try. Just for fun. :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 11:45am

Ok. I am slim, attractive, have had tons of sex and men do get easily attracted to me. Do you think I am happy?!?!!! God, if I only could say that I have never been in love!!!! I think I'd be the happiest person in the world!

I just got out of a horrible relationship and I am so depressed! I am emotionaly broken. I am smashed. I am miserable.

Don't feel bad about yourself because you are this and that (whatever it is). Those things do NOT make you happy. Trust me, they don't! In fact those things make you attractive for other people to rip your heart out and then to spit on it.

You are a happy person for never having been through that. Realize that :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 12:05pm

hey pink g,

in response to what u just said to callie, i have to say something. I am also thin and considered attractive and ive been in love too i;m still in love. ure right these things dont make u happy but for some people being slim and so forth is an accomplishment, we tend to blame our looks and weight when there;s another problem. i appreciate what ure sayin but that doesnt imply to everyone. i have to say, life has thrown me so many things and im only 20 and yet i can still hold my head up high and say well at least im hot looking..not to be up my self but just as a positive. it took me a long time to realise wat i have maybe something created by society but it does help.

i knw where callie is coming from i have friends that are plus sizes and constantly feel depressed about their weight and they've accomplished so much. but, if it makes someone feel better then yeh go lose weight because what u dont realise is perhaps u were always thin and attractive and therefore u knw no difference. if an over weight person was thin and found themselves attractive after theyve lost the weight i knw they attract more people..its not being thin that's dne tht it's the confidence of the accomplishment.

i cant explain, but when i was growing up i was bullied by my dad for being soo thin and i had very strong jaw and cheeks and i looked retarded in his opinion, when i was 17 i got my hair done how i wanted, i dressed sexier and weirdly i have bcome an attractive girl and now when im down about other things my looks dnt make me sad..so if callie u feel u would benefit from feelin better by loosing weight u go girl! but remember do it for u :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 12:56pm

Sexy, I did not say "don't lose weight". What I meant was the I dunno that even if she does lose weight she will become automaticaly happy.

Happiness is in fact within us, and it has very little to do with our weight and looks.

There are a lot of pretty and deeply unhappy women in the world. Looks don't make one happy.

I know my looks did not bring me much happiness for sure.

You are only 20. It's a great age. I wish you remain positive and happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 11:30pm

Callie,

Here is another way to look at it: You have never dealt with the pain of LOOSING LOVE, of revolving your life around someone for love and screwing up your life for love. Of getting an STD which won't go away from love; of loosing a lot of money to love. In the end many women I know do not currently have love, they might have at one time but you loose a lot from love as well (I know). So I am actually jealous of you because you have led a life by your choices and you cannot look back and say that your choices were driven by a MAN and that you regret your decisions. Think of all the abused single mothers and you will realize that love for a MAN is often times the worst thing that can happen to a women. Find love in other places: family, friends, pets, work. That is what I am determined to do. I refuse to accept anymore that the ultimate goal of a woman is to find love with a man! The pain that can result, and most often does, is to much to risk!

I send you MY LOVE, no matter how fat or ugly you think you are on the outside, it's your voice, your mind, your spirit that matters. I had thought I was beautiful a large part of my life and I am probably one of the unhappiest people due to the fact that I was driven too much by my appearance. So forget the physical and let's start focusing on the spiritual... My two cents :)

LR