Been Sad Here Lately

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Been Sad Here Lately
4
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 12:30pm
How long does it take someone to get over a divorce? Feelings for the ex are coming back again since he got remarried a couple weeks ago. It's like that chapter in my life is now officially closed and there is no going back. It's been really sad for me, I don't like being divorced, and I know that I will never love a man like I did him. Even with all the crap he has put me through. He has told me he is so happy with her. That they never fight. I get jealous of my friends that have happy marriages.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 1:14pm

Welcome Jodyannrn,


I don't know if I can answer your question of How Long?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2004
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 1:56pm

Hi Jodyann,

I think what you are going through is normal. I was so sad and just depressed all the time when I would see my xh with his gf. They would be laughing and carrying on but then I would tell myself, a zebra cannot change its stripes. He is still the same man that did horrible things to me and my kids. She just has not seen that side of him yet or she has and is covering it up like I did.
Try not to let the new marriage get to you. He told you those things to upset you and it worked. You have to keep reminding yourself of the reasons that you got out of your marriage. My guess is that as soon as you meet someone, your thought process will change. You will love again and this time, it will be wonderful!

~Jackie~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 1:58pm

Jody,

Unless your ex has had a major personality transplant, he will treat his new wife as badly as he did you. I do have to ask you a question: why do you speak to him about his personal life at all? I understand if you have kids together that you need to talk about them. However, next time he wants to tell you about his great love story, tell him to put a sock in it. Why not say " look ex, we are not together anymore and I am not interested in you anymore, I can't help wondering why you feel the need to tell me how great your life is. Unless of course, your life is not so great....Whatever, I find you talking about yourself so boring...I only put up with it when we were married because I HAD TO." Also, if you don't have kids together, cut off all contact with him. Period.

I really believe that living well is the best revenge. Be ever so gentle and good to yourself. Go on a trip, eat crackers in bed, spend time with your girlfriends. Also, seek therapy if you can. It always helps to have a neutral person hear your woes.

Good luck!!

Avatar for svetlana1833
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 4:10pm

I've been married 14-1/2 years, and never been divorced. (Neither has my husband.) So I can't tell you about getting over a divorce, I can tell you this: anyone who says they "never fight" with their spouse is either lying or married to a corpse. My husband and I get along very well most of the time, but we do lock horns now and again. It's unhealthy not to have disagreements, because it means someone's keeping something suppressed, and that only leads to worse things.

So just know he's yanking on your chain, probably on purpose. Don't let him steal your power.