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| Wed, 02-02-2005 - 6:44am |
Hi fellows
I wrote to that post last year.
Well things are a little better I have a few friends that I don't see very often but at least I can't talk to somebody from time to time.
One of my problems was that I have never been with a guy in a proper way, I mean it has always been at late hours an he has only wooried about himself, so when I turn 24 or so I started feeling really embarased about that because one is that I don't know and the second is that I'm not sure if I'm frigid, the thing is that I have never felt anything, maybe for the circunstances.I thought that I could meet guys in a club and if things don't go right I just don't see them anymore, but like I have only made friends last summer and they don't like to go out to clubs or they are married or wherever.
Well there's been guys hitting on me at work but they soon realised that I'm weird that almost nobody likes me and things finished in a couple of weeks, and like this I get my little flirting and I don't expose myself, but now there is that guy that I like so so so much and I think he likes me as much, and it has not gone away as we are like this since summer. Well he has so many girls after him I don't know how he likes but there is that girl who is very popular with which I used to talk and one day she started despising me so I have never talked to her again, she has tried but I don't want to because she just dcided I wasn't good enough for her well now she has to stick to her decision. To the point, she is crazy about that guy and he knows I've seen her trying to talk to him and he ignored her she has also seen him hitting on me and thank God looks don't kill because I wouldn't be here. So now he talks to her for me to see it , and in one hand I'm happy with this because that would end, it is becoming a nightmare as I'm about to just let go abd after so many months going back and forth he could see it ridiculous (my inexperience) and think I'm some kind of extrange thing leave and that would just kill me. But in the other hand I feel so sad because i'm gonig to have to see them together and I have that girl so crossed and I'm just so confused, it is fine let this go but why can I just find a guy out of work where I don't have to put myself on the test so much.
I know how ridicolous it sounds, if that was hapennig to a friend I would tell her to try and i would be sure it would be fine but when it comes to me I just can't.
The last 10 to 12 years of my life had been like if I had been in a corner triyng to control my pain and praying for nobody else to hurt me and I lost the oportunities of having nice experiences that teach you t be happy and to trust what life is going to bring.
My biggest wish would be to go back 10 years knowing what I know now and make sure I don't became a silly sad and full of problems girl.
Well thanks for listening.
Celeste
I wrote to that post last year.
Well things are a little better I have a few friends that I don't see very often but at least I can't talk to somebody from time to time.
One of my problems was that I have never been with a guy in a proper way, I mean it has always been at late hours an he has only wooried about himself, so when I turn 24 or so I started feeling really embarased about that because one is that I don't know and the second is that I'm not sure if I'm frigid, the thing is that I have never felt anything, maybe for the circunstances.I thought that I could meet guys in a club and if things don't go right I just don't see them anymore, but like I have only made friends last summer and they don't like to go out to clubs or they are married or wherever.
Well there's been guys hitting on me at work but they soon realised that I'm weird that almost nobody likes me and things finished in a couple of weeks, and like this I get my little flirting and I don't expose myself, but now there is that guy that I like so so so much and I think he likes me as much, and it has not gone away as we are like this since summer. Well he has so many girls after him I don't know how he likes but there is that girl who is very popular with which I used to talk and one day she started despising me so I have never talked to her again, she has tried but I don't want to because she just dcided I wasn't good enough for her well now she has to stick to her decision. To the point, she is crazy about that guy and he knows I've seen her trying to talk to him and he ignored her she has also seen him hitting on me and thank God looks don't kill because I wouldn't be here. So now he talks to her for me to see it , and in one hand I'm happy with this because that would end, it is becoming a nightmare as I'm about to just let go abd after so many months going back and forth he could see it ridiculous (my inexperience) and think I'm some kind of extrange thing leave and that would just kill me. But in the other hand I feel so sad because i'm gonig to have to see them together and I have that girl so crossed and I'm just so confused, it is fine let this go but why can I just find a guy out of work where I don't have to put myself on the test so much.
I know how ridicolous it sounds, if that was hapennig to a friend I would tell her to try and i would be sure it would be fine but when it comes to me I just can't.
The last 10 to 12 years of my life had been like if I had been in a corner triyng to control my pain and praying for nobody else to hurt me and I lost the oportunities of having nice experiences that teach you t be happy and to trust what life is going to bring.
My biggest wish would be to go back 10 years knowing what I know now and make sure I don't became a silly sad and full of problems girl.
Well thanks for listening.
Celeste

Welcome back Celeste!
You cant bring back those 10 years hun but dont sweat it.
*hugs