need to confide
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need to confide
| Wed, 02-02-2005 - 10:11pm |
i called my ex-boyfriend last night. when we broke up, he was a mess (even though it was his decision)- he had been going through depression and i was the only one who knew how bad he was- if he started getting bad he would just cut himself off from everyone for weeks and suffer in silence. they just thought it was a "thing" of his- and no one ever cared to see if he was ok until me, and in those times he would never do that to me. anyways, we broke up months ago, but i have seen him multiple times and he acts like he doesn't see me- the first few times i thought maybe he didn't, but this last time he definitely did and didn't even say hello. he looked awful. i haven't been able to stop thinking about him after that- and i have always missed him and been sad that we don't talk at all. i thought that we were close enough that we would never have this kind of a breakup. so i called him and he didn't pick up and it is now becoming apparent that it was deliberate and he is not calling me back either. i know i need to forget about him and move on. i have done that as wanting to date him (although it has been hard), and i even understand not being friends that talk alot, but it hurts that he can cut me out like i never existed and not even speak to me. i know it is possible that he is very depressed and no one knows. i just want him to be ok, and i will give up the desire to be friends even though it hurts, it is just sad. i know i shouldn't have called him, and my proof that i shouldn't have is here now that i am sad. i would never do that to him or anyone. this is not fun! confession over :) thanks for listening.

I don't know whe nwe will feel better.. but I do know that neither of us are to blame and neither of us deserve this type of treatment.... but life is often not fair. We'll be ok and we will survive this and go on and be happy. It's not our fault
Erica
Hi hun
I know its hard but you cant blame yourself for his actions or his depression . You said yourself that even when you were together he had been battling this.
*hugs
(((((Vogue))))), I've been there myself.