Need Serious Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Need Serious Advice
4
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 6:03pm

I am throwing my life away. I am a college student who is struggling with issues that have been called depression, anxiety, etc.
I frequently do the following things, and can't figure out how to stop:
I avoid my friends (usually by not answering phone calls and online messages) for no apparent reason.
I become so stressed out about work, school, relationships, etc that my entire back tenses up.
I make conscious decisions to not go to work or class, but I do not call anyone and let them know that I am not coming (BIG problem). I just decide that I "can't" go to work or class for whatever reason, and once that decision has been made it is very difficult to change.
When I am feeling overwhelmed I usually crawl into bed instead of deciding what to tackle first. I sometimes "nap" three or four times per day (on a bad day).
I will forget to contact someone (i.e. a supervisor about missing a meeting), and then days or even weeks will pass by, and my anxiety towards speaking to that person will keep increasing dramatically.
I have difficulty coping with everyday stress and with bigger issues (dad having a heart attack, family dog dying, end of a relationship).
I constantly wonder how all of my friends manage to lead such happy lives, getting everything done, not avoiding people, etc. :(
I eat out of boredom or sadness or just to avoid doing hw, cleaning, organizing my life.
I am definetly an emotional shopper. If something is not going well I have an urge to go to Target or the mall and buy things I do not need, clothes, makeup, etc.

I have spoken to a counselor at school. I have also discussed these feelings with my family doctor. I feel I am still making no progress - or that I will make progress for a while and then fall back into my old patterns.

What is wrong with me? Does this fall into the category of any kind of disorder? Am I hopeless? I hate living my life this way.


 


Daisypath Anniversary Years Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 6:25pm
no you are not hopeless! a lot of what you mentioned sounds very familiar to me. the dr says i have depression with anxiety. the anxiety will keep me up worrying at night, my brain just won't stop, i will know i have to get something done but instead of doing it i worry about it. the depression goes up and down for me, but the anxiety is always there. i was the same when i attended school, when things would get rough for me i'd just skip class. then i'd worry about what will happen to my grade, what did i miss, will i ever get caught up, did i miss a quiz??? uughh the stress. then next class i'd be afraid to go because i wouldn't have the homework done (even if i knew the assignment), i'd worry about what the professor would say, and i'd just talk myself out of going. i know exactly what you mean about once a decision is made, you can't seem to change your mind even if you try. that sounds JUST LIKE ME! wow.
what helped was going to a counselor and psychiatrist, getting on paxil and klonipin. everybody reacts differently to different drugs. i didn't like the paxil side effect of low sex drive (or well my husband didn't LOL), and when i had to stop taking it i hated coming off of it. uughh. but it is an anxiety and depression drug, so it helped. the klonipin helped the anxiety part, although it is from the family of valium and can make you more tired, etc. i had a very low dose. i took 1/2 pill 3 times daily, and a whole one before bed to get me to sleep quicker. sleep deprivation was a problem for me for a while, because of the worrying, and this helped me kick that. i would make up for no sleep at night by sleeping during the day, which is no solution at all if you have work or school, ya know? one problem feeds off of another.
my suggestion to you would be to get an appointment (and KEEP IT) with a psychiatrist who can get you started on some meds. it takes times and half of the treatment is usually just going in and talking about everything you are struggling with. just getting it out with someone who can offer constructive advice (without judging you!) helps a lot.
and you can always tell us how you feel, we've been there! i am going through it now.
hang in there.
~leslie
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 8:00am

(((iv_aingeal))) No one who seeks help is hopeless. Welcome to the board! Think about it, you took the time to write that post. You are seeking to figure this out, you are trying.

A few things to do: take the depression quiz at the top. Make a doctor's appointment with your general practioner.

The first task, the quiz, will tell you some important information to be armed with when you go to the doc. I am not a doctor, but you could be in the throws of this illness we all battle here.

The other task is so you can ask the doc about the potential for other causes of these symptoms. Many folks have undiagnosed pms, thyroid problems, etc. There are things that could be making you feel this way that are not directly depression, or that could be magnifying a genuine diagnosis of depression.

Arm yourself with information. Search here at ivillage and you will find many articles (*wink* like at the top of our page) that will help you.

We have posts here about books to read... and we are here for you. Instant support, and you don't need to add water like instand soup. In fact, adding water would be bad for your keyboard. (Sorry, I am goofy sometimes...you'll get used to it)

Welcome again.
I wonder how many people could have written that post. There was not one thing there I could not relate to. I hope this makes you feel less alone. You are not alone anymore.

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
Take care,
Lisa-)

Co-CL Depression Support Board

Avatar for wrgrossman
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 9:07am
you are not hopeless, and probably even more importantly, you are not alone. when i first started comeing here, it was that knowlage that helped the most. the people on this board truely understand. your fellings sound so simmilar to my own. as a matter of fact you would probably be hard pressed to find someone here who dosen't understand. first you need to accept that you need help. i beleive you already know it or you would not have reached out to us. so you see you have already begun to heal. if you can make it to one of our chats, that may also be helpful. the schedule is at the top of the board page. the next thing you have to do is find a mental health proffessional, and be honest with them. it will probably take some time and some work, but you will find your balance. you will come to a place where you do not have to fight yourself everyday. it is a wonderful place trustme. keep your eye on the prize.i will not tell you to keep your head up. that is what people who don't understand say. just take one small step at a time concentrate on what you have to do to get through this day. you have already started. just keep moveing forward. i promise you will get there. and remember we are all here for you all the time. god bless and prayers. Becky

 


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Avatar for svetlana1833
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 11:18am
I can't add anything new to what's already been said. Acknowledging these issues is the first (and hardest!) step to getting help. It won't happen overnight - but you can do it.