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| Thu, 02-03-2005 - 6:03pm |
I am throwing my life away. I am a college student who is struggling with issues that have been called depression, anxiety, etc.
I frequently do the following things, and can't figure out how to stop:
I avoid my friends (usually by not answering phone calls and online messages) for no apparent reason.
I become so stressed out about work, school, relationships, etc that my entire back tenses up.
I make conscious decisions to not go to work or class, but I do not call anyone and let them know that I am not coming (BIG problem). I just decide that I "can't" go to work or class for whatever reason, and once that decision has been made it is very difficult to change.
When I am feeling overwhelmed I usually crawl into bed instead of deciding what to tackle first. I sometimes "nap" three or four times per day (on a bad day).
I will forget to contact someone (i.e. a supervisor about missing a meeting), and then days or even weeks will pass by, and my anxiety towards speaking to that person will keep increasing dramatically.
I have difficulty coping with everyday stress and with bigger issues (dad having a heart attack, family dog dying, end of a relationship).
I constantly wonder how all of my friends manage to lead such happy lives, getting everything done, not avoiding people, etc. :(
I eat out of boredom or sadness or just to avoid doing hw, cleaning, organizing my life.
I am definetly an emotional shopper. If something is not going well I have an urge to go to Target or the mall and buy things I do not need, clothes, makeup, etc.
I have spoken to a counselor at school. I have also discussed these feelings with my family doctor. I feel I am still making no progress - or that I will make progress for a while and then fall back into my old patterns.
What is wrong with me? Does this fall into the category of any kind of disorder? Am I hopeless? I hate living my life this way.


what helped was going to a counselor and psychiatrist, getting on paxil and klonipin. everybody reacts differently to different drugs. i didn't like the paxil side effect of low sex drive (or well my husband didn't LOL), and when i had to stop taking it i hated coming off of it. uughh. but it is an anxiety and depression drug, so it helped. the klonipin helped the anxiety part, although it is from the family of valium and can make you more tired, etc. i had a very low dose. i took 1/2 pill 3 times daily, and a whole one before bed to get me to sleep quicker. sleep deprivation was a problem for me for a while, because of the worrying, and this helped me kick that. i would make up for no sleep at night by sleeping during the day, which is no solution at all if you have work or school, ya know? one problem feeds off of another.
my suggestion to you would be to get an appointment (and KEEP IT) with a psychiatrist who can get you started on some meds. it takes times and half of the treatment is usually just going in and talking about everything you are struggling with. just getting it out with someone who can offer constructive advice (without judging you!) helps a lot.
and you can always tell us how you feel, we've been there! i am going through it now.
hang in there.
~leslie
(((iv_aingeal))) No one who seeks help is hopeless. Welcome to the board! Think about it, you took the time to write that post. You are seeking to figure this out, you are trying.
A few things to do: take the depression quiz at the top. Make a doctor's appointment with your general practioner.
The first task, the quiz, will tell you some important information to be armed with when you go to the doc. I am not a doctor, but you could be in the throws of this illness we all battle here.
The other task is so you can ask the doc about the potential for other causes of these symptoms. Many folks have undiagnosed pms, thyroid problems, etc. There are things that could be making you feel this way that are not directly depression, or that could be magnifying a genuine diagnosis of depression.
Arm yourself with information. Search here at ivillage and you will find many articles (*wink* like at the top of our page) that will help you.
We have posts here about books to read... and we are here for you. Instant support, and you don't need to add water like instand soup. In fact, adding water would be bad for your keyboard. (Sorry, I am goofy sometimes...you'll get used to it)
Welcome again.
I wonder how many people could have written that post. There was not one thing there I could not relate to. I hope this makes you feel less alone. You are not alone anymore.
Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
Take care,
Lisa-)
Co-CL Depression Support Board