Feelin blue

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2005
Feelin blue
10
Sat, 02-05-2005 - 10:33pm
I have been struggling with feeling happy while single and over thirty but keep feeling depressed and alone. I know that I have a good life with good things in it but can't help feeling alone when I am sad and feeling that I am the only one that will ever stay alone for my entire life...does anyone else feel this way? I feel embarrassed talking to my friends about how depressed I feel and think that when I appear sad it pushes people away, hence a viscious cycle...as I get older I am isolating myself more and more when I feel like this, do others feel this way???
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 3:01am
ME TOO! i have been feeling the same way as you and i totally understand. one of my friends confronted me today that i had been acting weird and i told her how i had been feeling- she had no idea and was really supportive and glad i said something. i say you should talk to select people- some don't understand or care enough about others. valentines day is a yucky time to be single. but it will be over soon!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 12:30am
i think i'm feeling some of the same. i am surrounded by people i love, people i know love me and yet it's like i'm somehow not connecting to them... or my surroundings. i've been stressed, so much that i now dream of work nightly but i know i should be handling this fine. i feel so lucky to have what i do have but with all my friends moving to the next step and getting married... it feels weird to be 28 and not close. i'm not single but sometimes i wonder if i should be because i'm not giving myself fully (emotionally) to him or this relationship. February is always a rough month so i'm hoping the sunshine will lighten things up a bit for me...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2005
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 2:20am
Thanks for your sweet reply! I think that you are right, today I spent some time with a few friends and really had a chance to talk, they were both really supportive and it reminded me that being out there with people is a lot better than being at home, however appealing it can be at times. I am glad that you got the support that you need too. I have to admit, this is the first time I have posted a message and really appreciate your reply, it helps to know that there are others out there feeling the same way and yes, V day is a tough time of the year!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2005
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 3:06am
Hi Missurly,
I know how you feel at 28, I am 32 and single, even though I was not at 28, I wanted to be amrried but not to the guy that I was with if you know what i mean. Most of my friends are married and were single when i was 28 and in a relationship but alot of them are unhappy so I am grateful that I have not taken the plunge with the wrong dude, I go back a forth alot on it. Pretty much I feel that if it is right we would know, right? Is it really that easy?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 11:36am

Hi Sienna,

I understand exactly how you feel. I did not meet my husband until I was 35. It is tough being single. Sometimes you feel like everyone has a mate except you. Valentine's Day just seems to magnify feelings of aloneness. However, one thing I wish I did more of when I was single was enjoy myself. You do not need a man to enjoy your life. You should get out more and meet people. I used to belong to a book group when I was single. I also did charity work. I was involved with my local art museum and symphony. I found I met alot of interesting people. It also gave me the confidence to look for a mate.

I also used to go on dates even if I was not particularly attracted to the guy. That made for a lot of first dates only but it helped me learn what I wanted in a man versus what I did not want in a man!

I know I sound like a pollyanna but when you are happy with yourself and fully engaged with the world, the right guy will come along. (for instance a divorced acquaintance in her early forties just got married to a great guy. I never met anyone who had more fun as a single person. She loved to socialize!!!)

Good luck and keep us posted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 10:01pm
Hi!
Thanks for the good words, it's nice to know that there can be something good out there. But I always get upset about the usual things, how will I be able to have kids? I wanted and have wanted all of these things for so long and for a while in between I am very happy, I have a great life and enjoy my friends but just get my hopes up and then get upset that I even try, does that make sense? My friends sometimes treat me likw i am doing something wrong and at times people have said, wow you have bad karma, this just doesn't make me feel better ya know?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 11:07pm


Sienna,

Both my grandmother and one of my cousins gave birth in their forties. (my cousin had her first kid at 41 and her second at 43.) Also, have you considered adoption? There is no time limit on that!!! There are so many kids that need a good home......

So don't worry about having kids! You hear.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 5:14am

hey,

i kinda know how you feel. im with someone now sometimes wish i was single and just concentrated on myself for a few years but it always ends up us breakin up then gettin back together because deep down i love him and he loves me. But, that's not to say tat i feel alone a lot of the times and i think if i dont stick to him it'll b years before i find sum1 else and i'm 20!.

But ive changed the way i think, i think you should try and have goals, look deep inside urself and try and make urself happy in other ways. i try to be busy all the time i work nearly everyday for this annoyin company but ive made great friends mostly guys and i have such a laugh. and im a full time student and im in debt! but my goal is to beat the debt work hard, and yes play hard. My man is now second to my own happiness i still love him and want to marry him but for the next 3 yrs its gna be all about me. And ive decided if he does get up and go...i dont care anymore i really am thinkin about bein single and successful and considerin to adopt.

this need for a man, or hope i think stems deeper than u think, for me it was cause i came from a very unstable family my dad walked in and out of my life and caused abuse and my mum was frail but strong..and ive jst realised life is seriously wat we make it. There's no right way to live. i.e get married, kids etc...indulge in you and only YOU. Read books, watch dvds, go out clubbin with ur friends, work hard and try have a spiritual side..im tryin to get there with that one..but seriously honey be with YOURSELF. im tryin my hardest to do tat now:) and smile always smile cos if ure upset then dont b mad or hurt cos the greatest thing u can give you is...YOU :D

sami
xxx

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2005
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 2:14pm
Hi there,
Thank you so much for your kind words, it's just so hard, right when I think that I can have it all fast, it feels like I have to start over again, I appreciate your words...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2005
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 2:20pm
Hi Sami,
Wow, you are so young to be thinking about these things! I am 32 and have done alot of the things that I have wanted to do for myself like go to grad school and move to CA and pursure my career as far as I have wanted to. I have lost alot of men along the way who did not want to support me while I was doing my own thing so I know how it feels to lose a man and be happy with my own goals but now I am 32 and feel like, okay, hello! i amr eady now! It's just frustrating.... Jess