Giving In

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Giving In
9
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 9:40am
I know this is the wrong thing to do.But I am so tired of trying to push depression away and walking around smiling. I think this past week has just been too much. So I am going to go to bed and feel sorry for myself and I don't care if I ever get up or go back to work or anything.Not very mature , I know, but enough is enough! Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
In reply to: flute54
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 10:19am
(((((Debbie))))), you've been through a lot in the last few weeks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
In reply to: flute54
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 2:30pm
Debbie: sending you love and hugs. I know I held back tears in church, came home and just collapsed across dh leg's and he massaged my aching neck and arms and was so understanding while I cried. I was feeling so down physically and mentally. So I know how you feel, I hope the rest helps, and if not, call off tomorrow, not like they will fire you or anything. take care, love, Josie.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
In reply to: flute54
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 4:45pm
Hi Debbie boy do I know how you feel right now. Of course I dont know exactly how you feel but Ive had the same experiences before. Its just like a total meltdown..nothing matters but going to bed to hide away from all our troubles. Geez I cant imagine life without doing that once in awhile but I think it happens less and less as time moves on if we surround ourselves with good things. I hope that your "meltdown" will do you lots of good and give you another burst of energy to face the next week and maybe things will get better. Hugs ok take care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2004
In reply to: flute54
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 5:46pm

Debbie, as teachers, we take too much home with us, and we never end up with a day that's just for us. Well, I think you have the right idea. Get some rest. And even if you're feeling upto something, let me suggest something pampering for you. Anything you consider pleasurable for yourself. To h*ck with the world today is for YOU.

mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: flute54
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 8:31pm
Ok--I made it to mass and then I came home and had my own little meltdown. Boy---all those pills sure looked inviting. I swear they were calling my name. But I resisted and only took enough Ambien to assure I could sleep for a nice long time. Did end up sleeping most of the day. Then my daughter called to check on my travel plans. I am going to go to texas for a little over a week when she has her knee surgery next month. She let it slip that she was back with this worthless guy she had dated for a few months and then broken off with right before she came home for Christmas. I hate to admit it---but when I heard that---I realized anew that there was just no hope and nothing left to go on for. I wish you could see my daughter. She's a dancer and a dance teacher in a middle school in Texas. She went thru school making A's. If she got an A- she would get upset. She's very pretty and has long red hair and ----well, I am her mom so I could go on and on----but since high school she has shown nothing but bad judgement in men. Then there's my son. He was never into grades----but managed to keep a B average. He's tall with dark blond hair and I've heard him described as hot many times. He was in the marines and is now a senior in college. He graduates in May and at present is doing an internship with a local paper. He has already had 2 articles published. So what's wrong---he broke up with a great girl that he had gone with for over 2 years and now has been alone for almost 2 years. Unlike my daughter---he's too picky. I can't take the stress of worrying about the 'kids' and school and my own marriage anymore. I am also tired of always being depressed. I don't want to try the ECT again. It's expensive and hasn't worked the 2 times it's been tried. I am just sick of everything and it's Sunday night so I can't even get hold of my doctor. I could try but if he's not on call I'm not going to talk to anyone else anyway. My therpist never takes calls after office hours. My previous 2 therapist had answering services and if you called them and said it was important that got back to you as soon as humanly possible. I might as well face it. I have no one and probably nobody gives a darn anyway. (I may be losing it---but I did remember TOS) Do you know that feeling when you just want to scream and cry--but you know no one is going to hear you anyway? I'm going to take some more Ambien and head for bed again. Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
In reply to: flute54
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 9:36pm

I so understand. Can you move over and let me join you?

Lynette

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
In reply to: flute54
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 2:33am
Hang in there. Everyone needs a duvet day every now and then. I know you feel rock bottom at the moment, but sometimes rock bottom is where we need to be to start getting ready to get back up. You have had an extraordinarily stressful week, and its perfectly understandable to be where you are. Just hang in there, hang in there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: flute54
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 7:49am

((((((((((((Deb))))))))))))))


Nothing wrong with sometimes wanting to just "take a day" and make the world go away.

*hugs             

Avatar for svetlana1833
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
In reply to: flute54
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 1:57pm

It's totally okay for you to take care of yourself!!! As a matter of fact, it's necessary. I spent most of Saturday just resting. It felt really good! I feel lots better today than I have in awhile.

I felt just like you back in November and December and the first part of January. It's only been the last week or two that I really started to bounce back some, and I guarantee you I felt TOTALLY HOPELESS before. It does pass - eventually. I know that's probably not very encouraging, but it really is true.

Just go one day at a time, and be kind to yourself.