Depression back again
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| Wed, 02-09-2005 - 5:51am |
Well Im in my final semester Final year at uni and ive done it all alone. NO help from anyone, but im in a lot of debt..companies want me to pay and ive said ill give the minimum payments but i cant afford anything right now. Im workin 6 days a week in uni like 4 days the rest i need time to study. Im also trying hard to look after myself and read books about spirituality and im tryin to build my self esteem...i have no time for that now.
I cant cry..im dead inside. I just want to make it through, have asked my uni for help they'll let me knw soon but will it be enough? dont speak to parents thus no one is around to help me...i have to go to law school next yr,how im gna get there god knows...why am i here?? that questions being goin on for a very long time..
im 20 years old feel like 60..wish i was dead or i could just sleep..im doin everythin i swear, im gettin help from every where, tryin hard to like me and workin hard i swear..but it all falls to pieces..
thank u for listening/readin

Sami,
You have taken on a lot hun and you are doing great.
*hugs
(((((((((((((((Sami))))))))))))))))
Caly is right...you're doing a lot, and it's very brave of you. As for me, I know where you're at: I'm in debt because of school and there's no end in sight (I'm currently doing my masters degree), credit card companies are breathing down my neck for payments even though my loans and part-time job barely cover my bills, and I'm waiting for my university's services to get back to me so I can talk to a counsellor. To top it all off, my depression may be coming back again too. Being a student is rough, let alone being depressed too.
One thing that I did a few months ago was go to a credit counselling service. Is there anything like that in your area? I know there are here in Canada, and they even waived the $20 fee for me because I couldn't afford it. Check the yellow pages...a lot of these services are non-profit and have relationships with creditors and can get reduced payment plans for you. It's definitely worth checking out, and I know how crummy it is to have credit card companies calling you every week asking for money that you don't have.
When you say you're waiting to hear from your uni regarding help, do you mean financial help or counselling? Most unis provide services for both, and it's free for students. Either way, I hope you hear from them soon.
All the best of luck, (((((Sami))))). And if you want someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to email me. *hugs*
Take care,
Rebecca
hang in there and keep posting.
~leslie
Hey Rebecca,
Thank you for ur help and support means a lot,(((Rebefcca))) and I know how difficult it is for you too. I feel much better today though, spoke to my university and tutors and they made me feel a bit more optimistic. Im actually waiting for financial help so I won't knw til a few weeks..I jst hope all this debt is worth it in the end.
I don't like counselling I find it too much, dealing with issues over and over makes me feel like I can't do thinsg on my own. It's ok for a while but I jst dont want to anymore. How's ur debt/repayment plan coming along? Cos, I called all the companies and asked for a payment plan and have started the minimum one..just hang in there..Im struggling right now but hope things get better.
(((((Sami)))))
I'm glad you're having a good day! I totally know what you mean about wondering if the debt will be worth it in the end...I think about that too. It's such a pain in the behind! I guess only time will tell (which isn't fun when you're as impatient as I am, lol).
My debt isn't really going away, since all I can afford is minimum payments, and goodness knows that only really pays off the monthly interest. But at least I'm not getting regular calls that make me upset anymore. If I hadn't got a part-time job I don't know what I would've done.
Thanks for posting a reply. Not that I wish it on anyone, but it's nice to know someone else is in the same boat.
Take care,
Rebecca
Hi Sami, and big hugs to you. I suffer from depression as well and altho I don't post on this board, my depression has been slowly creeping back into my life so I've been lurking here. I saw your post and just wanted to throw out my .02.
I see that you want to go to law school next year. I'm an attorney, been practicing for about 15 years. I currently practice consumer bankruptcy. I know that's a scary word, that "bankruptcy." It's really pretty painless, though. There's alot of misconception about the process and a strong belief that you will never get credit or a mortgage again if you file. If you contact an attorney in your area for a free consult, however, you might get a different perspective. Just a thought.
I know that feeling of being dead inside. I have worked extremely hard all my life. I grew up in a dysfunctional alcoholic family so I had to turn off those feelings at a young age. I worked my butt off thru college to get into law school, worked my butt off in law school, and graduated to work my butt off practicing law. Was it worth it? In some respects yes, in others, no. Sorry to say, but being an attorney these days doesn't guarantee you tons of income. And if you make tons of income you might find yourself working 70 or more hours a week. On the upside, however, I have youngish children and one of them has very special needs. I've been able to make my own practice and schedule my work and appointments around when I'm available to do it. The flexibility is invaluable to me. Also, working only 20-30 hours a week I'm able to make a pretty decent income, which is good when you consider that I make in those 20-30 hours what many people make working full time.
You are a very admirable young woman and have certainly taken on alot. Try to find the gratitude that you've been blessed with a great mind and alot of energy. These are tremendous assets in life.
I hear from my clients day in and day out that living with those debt collectors calling you constantly is nerve-wracking, especially when you know that you just don't have the money available to make a payment. I also know that making the minimum payments doesn't help your overall balance one bit - the bills come in the following month as though you didn't even make a payment.
Hang in there, honey. If you truly get desperate, know that bankruptcy isn't such a bad alternative. It is not a permanent black eye on your credit history. Just my .02. Love, Mo.
hey mo,
wow how odd is that? i was thinking earlier today it'd be soo good and inspiring to hear and know from a woman with a family and in the law. And how odd, u post me a message:) there's so much i want to know from you. Firstly ure so inspiring, a family and a law firm that is what id love to have because it gives u the flexibility to work when u want..is that right?? is it very very hard to raise a family and be an attorney? how did u get ur own practice? did it take a long time? im gettin married in like 2 years and i was thinking if i have hired help like a cleaner it'll make domestic chores a lot easier, and by then hopefully i shud be out of debt.
Im not so worried bout the debt cos ive spoke to banks etc and tried to come up with something and its only temporary right? I really want to go into Criminal law and have been working at a few firms already and its soo good..i really have a passion for this. Im just worried 70 hours a week and havin depression must b hard and having kids! god! how do u do it??
Id really like to know more is it ok if i find out more from u? i just find it inspirational. Especially if ure in the same boat as me coming from a disadvantaged background and having depression..not that i wish it on anyone but it makes me feel like hmm im really not alone in this situation:)
thank u so much for posting mo it's made me feel good knowing that there's real girl power out there.
Well hey, Sami! Yes, it is possible to practice law with depression. In fact, my experience - and this was just for me - was that I found my practice so invigorating that it actually helped with the depression. Plus, you meet/help tons of people who are in worse shape than you. I actually started my career in a prosecutor's office and have always loved criminal law. In fact, on my lowest energy days recently I plop myself in front of Court TV at night - Forensic Files, the Investigators, North Mission Road, Psychic Detective - and knit and solve crimes into the wee hours of the morning. I highly recommend this channel to you! It's become something of an addiction for me lately!
Well, I don't believe that there are coincidences. As I posted initially, I've been a recovering alcoholic for 2+ years, and we think that coincidences are God winking. I hope something I said was able to inspire you today, or that just knowing there's another depressed attorney out there would be comforting to you.
The way I found myself in this part-time solo situation??? God, I never would have expected it. I worked thru law school in the prosecutor's office, but upon graduation felt that I had to get a big$ paying job because my DH had supported me and lived like a pauper for 3 years so I could go full time. So I sold out, went to a big name firm for the big bucks. I hated it, but stayed for about 3 years, until my DD was born. After that, I had no desire to work the 70 or so hours a week they expected. Since then, it's been a string of part-time situations, until recently a friend invited my to join his firm and start a consumer bankruptcy practice. He didn't know anything about it, but wanted to expand his practice and thought bankruptcy seemed a good way to go. That was about 2 years ago, and we've been pretty happy together ever since. I never would have imagined this career for myself, but it has worked out very well. I need to leave my office now to take my DD to Irish Dance lessons and I have the flexibility to do that. I have a late-day appointment tomorrow, so I'm taking off the morning to go food shopping. As long as my clients are happy, who cares when I'm actually sitting behind my desk, right?
Anyways, Sami, you hang in there girl. Education is tough business, but does really pay off in the end - for more reasons than I've articulated here. Let's chat more. Love and have a good evening! Mo.