Update

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Update
5
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 8:52am

Hi, me again. Josie, I have taken your advice and decided to think about myself and let school take care of itself! I did go out and try to leave---but the roads are bad and after the difficult time I have had driving since the accident, I decided it just wasn't worth it.
I am only slightly worried about mass. It will go on and I'm sure the singing and the special music will work out.

Part of me knows that before last Friday I would have tried and tried to get there===no matter what the roads or my emotional state was. However---now that I know that the music program is gone as of next year and I am basicaly being told, that music is not that important---well, heck with it. I'm staying home safe and sound.

I called my friend who works across the hall from me and over there the roads are fine---but I'm an hour away and my weather is different. She said not to worry about it---if the principal is mad at any inconvience ---well too bad.

Ok--rereading this, I know how negative it sounds. I guess I need to work on my attitude. There is still a lot of the school year left.

Debbie




Edited 2/9/2005 6:27 pm ET ET by flute54
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: flute54
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 6:30pm
I did manage to get in to see my therapist again today. She and my pdoc are strongly recommending that I go ahead and quit now. My doctor will write the necessary letter to get me out of my contract. I just don't know what to do. I am going to work tomorrow---but had already planned to take Friday off---so maybe a three day weekend will help me think things thru. Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: flute54
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 6:46pm

Debbie, I'm glad you got in to see your therapist today. I know how hard it must be to imagine quitting work now, but it sounds like it might be for the best...only you can know that for sure, though, of course.

I hope the Friday off does help you come to a decision. Did you talk to your therapist about your suicidal thoughts? Your earlier post about those thoughts worried me...are those still as strong in your mind? Please hang in there...you have been, and will continue to be, a blessing in so many people's lives.

Many hugs (and I don't blame you for staying off the roads today...I didn't have anywhere to drive, but if I did, I would have stayed in too!),

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: flute54
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 10:35pm
Hi Rose, Yes, actually I told her that I was taking Friday off to straighten up a few things.I told her I just want to take all the pills and sleep. She said if I were that bad I needed to be in the hospital. My former therapist knew he couldn't just suggest---he had to insist I go. This therapist doesn't know I have to be forced. How are you doing? Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: flute54
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 12:19am

Debbie, I also wish your therapist had insisted you go to the hospital if you are feeling so bad. But if she's not going to insist, could you gather together all your strength and let her know you need to go, or ask for her help in checking in somewhere safe for a few days?

I'm really concerned about you and your thoughts, especially with Friday coming up. Even though I know a lot of you is probably ready to give up, there is still a part of you that knows you need help...can you try to focus on that part, and not on the other less important responsibilities in your life, and do what you need to in order to stay safe and take care of you?

Please call your pdoc or tdoc and let one of them know how serious your situation is. I'll keep you in my thoughts and pray that you will be able to hang in there.

Hugs,

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
In reply to: flute54
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 4:43am

Dearest Debbie: I agree with the doc's, QUIT that job ASAP. And unless your thoughts have turned more positive overnight, PLEASE, if not for yourself, do it for your kids and even you less than perfect husband (sorry but I am just not a fan of him!), and check yourself into a hospital.

On another board I use to frequent, a lady's husband committed suicide last May, and what she went through then and now still as I do occ emails with her, anyhow, it made me stop and think of what I would even leave behind, in fact, I just had this discussion with my therapist on monday. She said ideally I would never commit suicide for myself as I said I would never do it to dh.

So dear Debbie: CHECK yourself into the hospital the very minute you read this unless you are feeling better. Think of what it would do to your kids. I know God would forgive anything we do if we aren't mentally thinking clearly, but we need you here Debbie, please please take care of yourself, love, Josie.