trying to get appt, panic attacks bad

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
trying to get appt, panic attacks bad
3
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 1:26pm
i called the dr's office to try and get meds started. of course i need to go in, which is for the best really, i need to explain what's going on and make sure i get on something that will really help me. i told them i can't wait even a week to get in, i'm losing my mind and this is some of the last rational thought i think i'll be having for a very long time if we don't stop it NOW. i started bawling to the receptionist. OMG.
i told her i had to stop meds when i found out i was pregnant, but i had seen the regular counselor since then - just not the meds dr. hopefully they won't make me see the counselor again first because i don't think i can handle that without knowing i'm going home with medicine to begin helping. KWIM? i think i freaked out the receptionist.
they are to call me back today, but i doubt they will see me today. grrrr.
i explained that i lost the baby about 3 1/2 wks ago, had a D&C, then got an infection, then started to get better only to find out my appendix had to go too, then found out about this retrograde bleeding problem (AKA reverse menstruation), have had some other very painful problems since then...i have been having panic attacks now daily. i just can't breath, i have blacked out 3 times monday and 2 times yesterday (thank god not yet today but i'm not holding my breath). i just start hyperventilating, basically, crying and sometimes even yelling. it's like this beast inside of me that can't get out and i am powerless to stop it. rational thought doesn't exist at those times and they are becoming more frequent.
i had to start bc pills last night, and the darn thing kept me up all night so now my mind REALLY isn't doing well. god this is awful, i just don't know what to do. to make matters worse, i checked my email and what's at the top of the list? *what's next in your pregnancy?* i clicked on it to unsubscribe and burst into tears at the sight of the pg lady and the toys. i couldn't even go to the site to get off the list.
please please get me in to the dr today i'm losing it.
~leslie
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 1:33pm
the only good thing, which i forgot to mention, is that i've lost 12 lbs in a week. it's basically just water weight but i'm feeling much thinner. i wish i could enjoy that but i can't even stand to leave my house right now, so no showing off the lighter look.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 2:19pm

Hey leslie,

I can't imagine what youre going through right now makes my problems look silly. You are so strong and there's so much more strength that you have inside you. Can't you go to the Emergency room? I'm not sure what to say because I know ure dealing with so much right now and I know ure doing whatever it takes but it's hard to control.

Try and relax a little..i know it's hard, have a bath or jst sleep as much as you can. Since losing the baby have u had counselling? or spoke to ur partner? you will get through this but hang in there. Do whatever it is you want to do today, watch a dvd, read a book. But if u keep blacking out I think u should go to the hospital if you cant see the DR which is odd because it's an emergency.

Just to let you know i will keep u in mind today and ill pray for u...keep ur chin up I knw it hard but u are a strong woman

sami

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 3:18pm
OMG the dr's office called and they WILL see me today! i am so relieved. it usually takes weeks to get in, i was just sure they wouldn't see me today.
apparently the receptionist that i freaked out earlier went to lunch with my dr. she told her about my phone call and request to please help me. so the dr is taking the hour she usually spends updating records and seeing me instead. now i am wondering, how can i even remember everything i need to tell her? there is so much running through my mind, i doubt 30-60 minutes will even begin to cover it all.
sami, no i haven't seen anyone since i lost the baby. it's been one horrible problem after another since that day, and most of my time is spent at home, in bed, trying to work up the strength to do something - anything! recovering from surgery is hard work for a healthy person, but for me it's been especially rough. 2 surgeries, as well as other difficulties, have really brought me low.
i remember there was a time when i was a strong woman. man, nothing could make me cry. i was just physically and mentally strong, and felt like i had it all. i can't imagine feeling like that again. i WANT to! i just don't see it ever happening, not with as many bad things as i keep ending up with. my life is a train wreck. one car slams into another and into another and they all start falling off the track...that's the best analogy i can think of now.
anyway i will post later about the appt and what meds i am starting.
~leslie