Can I join you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Can I join you?
10
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 12:31pm

Hi all, and I'll start off by saying that I do suffer from depression and have for years, but I just don't know what's been wrong lately. For the past few weeks I've been feeling the depression closing in around me. I know this is a tough time of year for everyone - I read somewhere that January 26 is the most depressing day of the year! So for a while I believed that. I just got over having the flu and whenever I get ill I get depressed. And I lost a very close relative last week so I dragged myself out of bed (from the flu) to be at the services on Monday and Tuesday and by Wednesday I couldn't get up at all.

I'm not able to do the things I usually enjoy, or if I do them, I have to force myself to get started. I usually run long distance and do yoga, but lately I can't seem to get up the energy. I keep putting off doing small tasks that I need to do around the house, especially paperwork. One morning this week I did force myself to sit down and write out all the bills, but honestly, doesn't everyone have to force themself to do that???? LOL. My business has been pretty slow, which seems to be when I feel the most depressed because I kind of just sit in my office and surf the 'net - which is how I found this cite! My DH works very long hours and travels alot. I've got 2 kids, DD is 11 and DS is 7. DS is completely physically handicapped and requires an awful lot of care. He can't do pretty much anything for himself but cognitively he's just fine so he wants to do things constantly, like any other 7 year old boy. I'm fortunate enough to be able to afford child care for after school hours, so I do have help with him. I've been seeing a T weekly for years, and we've been delving into these really unpleasant issues from my childhood. I'm a recovering alcoholic (a little over 2 years sober!!!) and attend meetings regularly and they seem to help.

I know that these are all really legitimate reasons for anyone to feel alittle unmotivated, but for me, I get really worried that it's depression sneaking up on me again, and anyone who's suffered from depression once will do anything in their power to stop it from happening again. When I'm not depressed, I'm a very perky, optimistic person. Now, I just feel like locking myself in my room and knitting or crocheting while I watch Court TV and CNN.

Can anyone relate? I know you can. Depression stinks, and I'm really glad I found this board. Thanks for letting me ramble. Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

Avatar for wrgrossman
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 3:29pm
welcome MO glad you found us. this board has gotten me through some pretty tough times. you may want to visit our chat too. it is helpful. i don't have much advice to give right now because i am haveing a really bad day myself, but i'm sure the other ladies have more to offer. again, welcome
Becky

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 3:32pm

Hi Mo,

Welcome to the board. You've done the right thing by joining these ladies, hoenstly they are the best. You're doing so much and I kinda wrote to you in my post where you posted, so I replied to you. I think youre amazing! having the flu or being ill also makes my depresssion come back too. It just drags a lot out of me. I have said this previously to Leslie too but can I recommend a book? it's called The book of Secrets by deepak choppra..its been helping me a lot lately with my depression.

My out look on life is beginning to improve, and when ure doing so much daily you realise dont run with the clock..just take ur time on everything, life is a journey even when ure hurting get in tune with it and try and take control of the feelings etc..its good.

Anyways feel free to vent and talk and ask for advice here everyone is great here i hope ure ok now with ur flu and start to get back into form and be ur perky self again:)

sami

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2005
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 3:35pm

Hi Mo, I am also new to this board, although I have lurked before. Your message made me want to reply, because I am with you - you're definitely not alone. For those of us who have gone through depression before and think we've licked it, it's so scary when dark feelings come back. I don't know that I have any answers for you, but sometimes I know it's nice just to unload to someone who's been there. I am feeling it today too, even though I am normally very cheery too (at least, for the last few years!) I think that my feelings are linked to my hormonal levels - I plunge downward at mid-cycle and again a day or two before my period, so it helps me to stay focused on the thought that I just have to make it through the day and the dark cloud will go away. It's always the last thing I want to do, but exercising definitely helps too. I brought my workout clothes to work, but we'll see if I can actually drag myself in there for 20 minutes...

In your case, you seem to be under a whole heck of a lot of stress, even though you may be so used to it you don't see it. I think you should be proud of yourself for making the effort of posting to this board. I bet some of these ladies will have some more helpful advice for you than I have. As for me, all I can offer you is an ear and a {{hug}}.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 4:19pm

Thank you so much for responding! As the day has worn on I find myself feeling "downer and downer." It's almost time for me to leave my office - finally! and I'm seeing my T at 5:30 p.m. and it couldn't come at a better time.

I know since I deal with my life every single day I really don't see the challenges. I "know" that caring for my handicapped son is a handful but I adore him and face it, there's no end in sight. I'll be caring for him until the day I die. He's 85 lbs now and so heavy I can barely lift him - but I have to. That's one of the reasons I force myself to work out - I've got to stay healthy and strong to move him about.

I've been reading thru archives most of the afternoon and can relate to so much others have posted here. It's a relief to know that you're not crazy, and you're not alone. I just can't seem to get my mind around a positive thought today. Fortunately, this one's almost behind me...

Thanks again! Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 5:53pm


Mo,

Give yourself a break, my dear. You just lost a close relative. You are the mother of a physically challenged 7 year old. I think your depression is very normal for a person in your situation. I tend to be a cheery, charming sort of a person when not depressed. God knows, I am still trying to figure out how I managed to keep as friends as I have when there are days I don't do lunch, return calls and hunkerdown in my home. You are still a wonderful person who is just having a rough time of it. Are you on meds?

Is your therapist a freudian? Frankly, I think therapist that spend decades on our bad childhoods want their hourly rate paid for as long as possible. I understand there has to be some talk of bad childhoods but for decades and decades of therapy I think not. I adore my parents but my mother suffered from a life threatening illness when I was small. She had several operations and spent several months in the hospital. She was also "out of it" for several years because she suffered from short term memory lose. (on top of that I found my mother when she first collapsed. I was five.) I know I have abandonment issues. However, I come to accept that I did not have the mother I wanted. I am lucky because she has improved much over the years and I still love her to death. SO I totally understand what a parents' behavior/illness can do to a person.
I just think you should talk to a therapist that can produce some results within months not years. Cognitive behavior therapy is a great alternative. I am not belittling the pain you must feel about being a child of an alcoholic. I understand your need for support and think AA is great!! (have you gone to alanon?) You should be proud. What has this therapist diagnosed you as? What has she advised you to do to relieve your depression? What progress have you shown under her tutelage?

Good luck!!

PS I think you would enjoy reading some David Burns and Melodie Beattie

S.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2005
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 7:09pm
Boy, I can relate and you're right, it's the right time of year to be feeling all of that. Does it sound hollow to say "this, too, shall pass"? -- I hope your therapist is helping. I've found depression to be a lifelong issue that must be managed like any other health problem. You can get through this, but rely on your therapist for help, too, while you're waiting for it to lift.
Good luck, stay in touch.
Outwood
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 8:54pm

(((Mo)))) Welcome to the board. First and formost, good job on your staying sober. That is a huge accomplishment. You are already battling something and winning. That is wonderful. The one thing that you have realized is that you are not alone and that supporting others helps.

You are a perfect addition to our board.

Welcome again!

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
Take care,
Lisa-)

Co-CL Depression Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2005
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 9:21am
Hi Mo, just checking in w/ you to see how things went w/ your T yesterday evening. How are things w/ you today? I want you to know that just by responding to your post yesterday, I started to feel a little bit better in my own little abyss, so thank you. Maybe that can be your positive thought for today, that you helped me, a complete stranger, in need. I hope things are brighter for you today. Love, Susan
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 10:35am

hey mo,

just checkin how u are. u made my day yday and im also jst seein how it went with ur therapist yday.

Take care,
love sami

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:07pm

I understand and so do all the people on this board, I don't get to post as often as I would like, but when I want to close myself off from the rest of the world I watch the Weather Channel. All that mindless chatter and don't you just love the way they talk, so smooth and soft and I love looking at the other parts of the country and dream that I could move there and start a new life. It can be a great escape.

Lynette