faced a personal demon today
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faced a personal demon today
| Thu, 02-10-2005 - 7:19pm |
because of all my SIL and BIL are going through with their soon-to-be son, i faced something i've been avoiding for a while.
i posted the bad news about my soon-to-be nephew, if you haven't read it, that's what is going on.
after my miscarriage, i couldn't face going upstairs to where i had all of my son's best baby clothes and toys stored. i was planning on using them for this baby, and the more i learn, the more i truly believe i won't have another baby and i don't want those things to go to waste, gathering dust. those are such nice items.
so i made myself face it. i went up there and sorted through each and every item to pick out what i thought my SIL would like, nothing with stains, just really adorable baby clothes. i found some small toys, some baby blankets and crib sheets, bassinett sheets, hats and mittens, tons of socks, pacifiers...everything i could think of. i have a ton more toys, blankets, car seats, the bassinett, the aquarium bouncie seat...omg i have so much stuff that i couldn't get to today.
i brought them downstairs and laid them all out, sorted by size and type. then boxed them up to send to her. my DH is going over there tonight, so he will take them. i then hand-wrote a 3 pg note, telling her i wanted her to have these things i had saved for my own baby because i thought she would like them and need them. and i have so much more stuff for her, which i wanted her to know about rather than waste money. i know they are broke right now. this seemed better than sending her useless flowers, KWIM? and it was high time i faced my fears. i realize another baby is likely not going to happen for me, and if it did, how fair would that be? my son is a severe hemophiliac and will have life-long difficulties. he's barely made it to 2 yrs. is it fair to risk putting another baby through this? even assuming i CAN carry another baby, which is in doubt now? it's time i faced facts and accepted it, hard as it is.
~leslie
i posted the bad news about my soon-to-be nephew, if you haven't read it, that's what is going on.
after my miscarriage, i couldn't face going upstairs to where i had all of my son's best baby clothes and toys stored. i was planning on using them for this baby, and the more i learn, the more i truly believe i won't have another baby and i don't want those things to go to waste, gathering dust. those are such nice items.
so i made myself face it. i went up there and sorted through each and every item to pick out what i thought my SIL would like, nothing with stains, just really adorable baby clothes. i found some small toys, some baby blankets and crib sheets, bassinett sheets, hats and mittens, tons of socks, pacifiers...everything i could think of. i have a ton more toys, blankets, car seats, the bassinett, the aquarium bouncie seat...omg i have so much stuff that i couldn't get to today.
i brought them downstairs and laid them all out, sorted by size and type. then boxed them up to send to her. my DH is going over there tonight, so he will take them. i then hand-wrote a 3 pg note, telling her i wanted her to have these things i had saved for my own baby because i thought she would like them and need them. and i have so much more stuff for her, which i wanted her to know about rather than waste money. i know they are broke right now. this seemed better than sending her useless flowers, KWIM? and it was high time i faced my fears. i realize another baby is likely not going to happen for me, and if it did, how fair would that be? my son is a severe hemophiliac and will have life-long difficulties. he's barely made it to 2 yrs. is it fair to risk putting another baby through this? even assuming i CAN carry another baby, which is in doubt now? it's time i faced facts and accepted it, hard as it is.
~leslie

i meant to put that i have now had 2 m/c, and there are some things i'm learning that indicate the likelihood of me being able to carry another baby is slim. so assuming i COULD have another, would it be fair considering the hemophilia risk? it's 50-50 chance.
so i hope that clears up anything i may have said in a confusing manor! ;)
~leslie
Hey Leslie,
I have seen your posts on the RPL board so I know what you are going through. (I am new to this board as of today) Before having my twin girls (Dec 04) I had 3 miscarriages.
I want you to know that my heart goes out to you. I know how difficult it must have been for you to go through all the baby stuff, but know what joy it will bring to your SIL & BIL. You are so wonderful!!
Let me know if I can do anything to help you get through this tough time!
All the Best,
Carrie B.
(((Leslie)))) Hugs to you....I just wanted you to know that I am in your corner. Though I don't know what to say. I know from having had a miscarriage myself that they are a hard painful emotional experience. I am glad you have a DH, I was single when it happened. I had no support from the man who made the baby with me.
I know that this is such a multi-dimensional issue for you. I hope your DH supports you through all this.
Please know that we are all here for you.
Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
Take care,
Lisa-)
Co-CL Depression Support Board
i thank you all for your help, your support, and your understanding.
;)
(((HUGS)))
~leslie
Dear, dear Leslie,
What a brave and generous woman you are. I also miscarried a few years ago, but then I did have another child. I know how hard it is to give away those baby clothes, when you know you'll probably never hold another baby of your own. It's even hard if you haven't been through what you have. But it will probably give you pleasure to see your nephew wearing those clothes. I think you should really be proud of yourself for this, and maybe you could treat yourself to something special just for you this weekend. Some time out for lunch or coffee, a movie, buy a book...You deserve to do something to nurture yourself.
I am sending prayers for your little nephew and his parents, too.
Best wishes and lots of hugs,
Nicola
Edited 2/11/2005 8:51 pm ET ET by mumontherun