how do i stop this pity party

Avatar for julie364
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
how do i stop this pity party
4
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 1:07pm
Betrayed spouse here. Today is a bad day. How could I ever be married to someone for so long and he not want to try again. And how can I not see his weakness first and seperate my feelings. Today i feel like not being around. I don.t want to deal with it all anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:23pm

Well I think you are going to have your ups and downs. Hang in there. Just stay focused on your goals and priorities. Maybe you can find a great book to read or begin a new hobby or something. It is normal to have pitty parties and I personally think it is healthy to have them in the beginning. 2 steps forward, 1 step back.

Good luck to you,
(BIG HUG)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:42pm
he betrayed you? i'm very sorry to hear that.
i have been through many ups and downs with my DH, many before we were ever married. a lot of people questioned my decision to marry him, but i knew there was goodness inside him and it needed help to come out. today everyone else can see that, at long last. but years ago, we broke up for a short time. he slept with another girl, and we got back together THAT DAY, even slept together. i didn't find out about this until 2 or 3 months later and i was crushed. somehow i found the strength to forgive him when he couldn't forgive himself. i am very glad i did.
no matter how hard it is now, you can get better. you can get through this. some days are harder than others, and the best way to get through these times is to ask for help. there is no shame in that. have you considered seeing a counselor to get these feelings out in the open, and perhaps learn some coping methods? even if you don't want to try an antidepressant or any other type of drug, just getting it out to another person, face to face, can help more than you think.
good luck.
~leslie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 5:37pm

I do not think you are having a pity party. I think you have every right to feel depressed. The question is what you can do from now on. There is a saying "not even God can change the past." Don't beat yourself up endlessly about the past, Julie. EVERYONE does things that they regret.

I hate to sound mean but please tell your ex to leave you alone and jump in the lake. He does not deserve you.

Have you thought of therapy? Going out a bit and having fun?

S.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 7:27pm

I can totally relate to your feelings. I was betrayed by my ex partner as well. We were together for 8 years and she said she realized I wasn't right for her. Well now I have put the pieces together and realized she actually left me for someone else, but just didn't want to tell me that, so was making up other excuses to end the relationship. And, all the while, she was telling me how hard it was for her, how she still cared and loved me, etc.

I am now on my own and starting to accept the reality of our relationship being over and the fact that I don't have her to turn to anymore for security or anything else. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life. I have my ups and downs, and the downs seem so much worse than the ups. But, the fact that I have ups at all keep me going - that and coming online to share with other people, hear their stories, etc. and talking to my family and friends. Please don't ever feel like you are alone because there are tons of people all over who are feeling exactly the way you are now, and we will all get through it in our own ways.

Best,
M.