Another Day...
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| Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:05pm |
I couldn't bring myself to use the happy face icon, but the sad face icon doesn't quite do it today either.
Thank you all so much for your warm welcome! My appointment last night helped tremendously, and afterward my DH and I met for coffee and rehashed the session. I finished off the night with some power yoga and meditation, then slept like a log. My T always reminds me that these ebbs and flows are okay and even "normal" people experience them. I just panic whenever I start to feel alittle down, or even just not happy.
So I woke up this morning feeling better, went out to do the food shopping and was planning on a noon AA meeting when my DD's school called for me to come get her because she's sick. I totally understand, I don't want my DD to be in school one minute longer than she has to when she feels ill, but I couldn't help a heavy sigh. I was feeling better and having some energy to get out and do things, and then her coming home put a bullet in that. Again I'm held hostage in my home. I know that probably sounds awful, but I hope someone out there can relate. I adore my children, but its so difficult to stay "up" when you have so little control over your time. For me, being stuck at home with my kids when I'm not depressed makes me feel depressed.
Because my handicapped child is often ill and requires alot of therapy and treatments, he's confined to the home more often than I'd like. Plus when the weather is too cold I won't let him out. If there's snow on the ground his wheelchair gets stuck or slides around (which he thinks is totally cool!, but I don't think it's safe).
Okay, so I admit it and I've been over and over this with my T - having children has caused me a tremendous amount of stress and depression. One other thing I didn't share in my intro message is that my youngest child died of the same disease DS7 has. The disease is called spinal muscular atrophy. It's been an exhausting life with my boys. The beautiful thing is that I ADORE this little boy. He's the most upbeat fun person in the world to be around. If you remember Mattie Stepanek, the MDA spokesperson who died last June, Pat is just like that. He touches everyone he meets, including me. It's really hard to stay down about his disease when he has such an incredibly positive attitude about life. I'm sure my Higher Power put him in my life for a reason!
Anyway, I hope this message wasn't too much of a downer. You're all so sweet to check in on me and ask about my T session and I wanted to let you know that...I'm cautiously happier. One good thing - tonight is me and DH's date night. We just go out for dinner, probably sushi tonight, and spend some time chatting. My babysitter stays until 9:00 p.m. so we only get about 2 hours together, but it helps nonetheless.
Thanks so much again for the warm welcome! Love, Mo.


MO,
You are handling such a difficult situation with so much grace. I think dealing with a challenged child is one of the most difficult things in the world. I think staying sober may be even harder.
Just a thought but is there a support group for parents with developmentally challenged children. I think it would be so great to have people to talk to that understand exactly what you are going through.
Is your Mom or sister or mother in law or husband or other family member able to give you a few hours of you time every week. I bet this would help to.
You are a brave lady.
S.