Help Me Thru This Day
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| Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:31pm |
I'm so incredibly depressed. My oldest daughter just does not want to be here anymore with me. I told her we will have a weekend together the weekend after next and she told me she didn't want to spent it with me. She is 7. She spends most weekends at her dads. When she does finally have a weekend with me it is a little out of routine for her. But I'm so incredibly depressed. She isn't even used to spending a weekend with me anymore. I'm feeling like I'm losing her.
I desperately wish my ex had the typical every other weekend. I don't know why it had to end up this way. He isn't even home half the time on the weekend, yet my kids love being over there.
I'm trying to get things changed. Don't know if it will happen. I'm going to fight him for every other weekend. I'm going to try to get him to sign the papers.
I'm so tired of this situation. I feel like I'm losing my kids to this abusive jerk. He is winning over their affection.

Hi Jodyann: I posted here for the first time yesterday and instantly felt at home. While going thru the archives I saw your story. I have absolutely no experience similar to yours, I just wanted to send you a big (((((hug.))))) My heart goes out to you. I don't think there's a single other thing in the world that can break your heart the way any difficulties or challenges with your kids can. I've been sharing about my DS7 who is 100% physically handicapped. Altho I don't have any idea in the world how it feels to be you, I do understand that child can hurt you like nothing else (and if there is something out there that can hurt worse, I don't want to know about it!!!!!)
I know for me weekends seem to be a little bit harder than weekdays, I think because there's so little structure. Also maybe we expect more out of weekends?, like woohoo! it's the weekend! and then nothing spectacular. In fact for many of us, weekends are just more difficult. I know I struggle more on weekends, and usually wind up sleeping more.
Anyhows, Jodyann, I just wanted to let you know that I'll be thinking about you. It's a tough situation to be in, your ex having built-in playmates for your kids and them establishing a relationship with your ex's new woman. My heart goes out to do. Try to do something nice for yourself and think happy positive thoughts about the future when you get to have the kids every other weekend! Think of all the wonderful things you'll do with them, all the great girl-talk they'll want to have with their mom, not your ex's wife/girlfriend. You'll have better days, honey. Love and prayers, Mo.
Jody,
I think you are way too emotionally involved with your ex. Listening to all your posts I hear alot about you and him and not much about your kids. Your baby is only 7. She has fun with her best friend and stepmom. This definitely is not an attack against you. She probably just is having a good time and loves you to death just the same. There is the strong possibility step mom and step sister may be in your daughter's life for always. I agree that you might want to consider asking for visitation to be every other week but this may mean having your ex around during the week. A judge may think he should have the kids for one or two evenings during the week. You are a smart lady with a good education. I suspect that you already know that joint legal and joint physical custody is increasingly how custody is going. You may want to have a long talk with your lawyer about the consequences of trying to change the custody arrangement.
What do you mean that your ex is abusive? Did he ever beat you in front of the kids? Did he beat the kids? Drink and drive with your kids? Let your kids starve. Sell dope out of your house with the kids around? If he hasn't, then most courts would not view him as "abusive" If he has, why did your lawyer not bring this before the court in the first place. The court may also ask why this happened and what you did about your ex's behavior. Your ex getting every weekend is unusual. What are the reasons behind this? How are you certain of what goes on every weekend? (ie that your ex is never there.)
I really think you need to seek counseling. You may be sharing parenting with ex and his wife for a long, long time. Not to mention grandchildren and weddings etc. I have a friend whose wife left him for another man. (not a pretty picture.) Eventually they were able to work out a truly shared parenting plan. The kids would spend half the week with him and half the week with their mom. (they lived close by so kids could do this.) Believe me, my friend's wife really destroyed his life and it took ALONG time for him to get over it. However, eventually everything worked out in the end. You may always feel pain about the ex but you will have to accept the situation and deal with it. This is miserable and tough but unfortunately it is reality. I see you seesawing between hating your ex and trying to help him and feeling sorry for him. (ie giving him money.) You need to not give him your power. Maybe an objective person could help you see how you are still giving your ex the power to make your life miserable. YOU ALSO SHOULD HAVE A LONG, LONG TALK WITH YOUR LAWYER.
Good luck.
I am very sorry your ex was physically abusive, Jody. Ex is a schmuck, to put it mildly. Now I get your behavior. YOU NEED THERAPY. Noone deserves to get beaten up. The feeling sorry for him and being nice to him is definitely the abused wife in you talking. Can you please call your local women's shelter and find out if counseling is available? You need so much support. YOU will not be able to properly defend yourself and your kids unless you have alot of support and therapy. I hate to say this but I bet the only reason he wants three weekends a month is so he can push your buttons.
Did you tell your lawyer about the physical abuse? You may also want to look for a new job, you are an RN. I wish people respected the profession more. However, use that nursing shortage to your advantage so you can free up some of those weekends.
YOU need help so that you can get over your ordeal. You may not be able to make good decisions until you get support for yourself. Talk to your lawyer about getting more weekends!!! Repeat to yourself five hundred times a day if possible "I do not deserve to be abused and I will not allow Ex to manipulate me. HE IS AN ABUSER AND CANNOT BE TRUSTED.)
One day at a time, kiddo.