i feel so messed up right now (trigs?)
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| Sun, 02-13-2005 - 8:00pm |
i don't know if it is the 3rd week of antibiotics (and a med that actually says mood changes can be a side effect), or the fact that some really messed up stuff has been going on- but i feel like my mind has snapped or something. i just don't even know what to think about anything right now.
i told you guys my dad has been sick and has been trying to start a relationship with me that is better than we ever had. good and bad at the same time to the maximum. now he is in the hospital and i have not been able to get over a sinus infection and my mom wants me to stay away in case i am contagious/so i can stay home and get better and that i don't need to be there, but it is stressful and hard for all and it is showing in my family.
my work/career has major opportunities about an inch away and i don't know if one or more will turn into something- big opening in my company, possible callback in LA for an acting gig, possible modeling shoot in miami- nothing for sure, no real money in my pocket- but ALMOSt.
so here's where i lose it- i have been walking a fine line with the guys in my life (as some of you may know/remember)- just can't take much more bad stuff in the guy department. so i have this friend of a few years who asked me out (only problem- he lives in miami most of the time, but does still have his place here and comes back to visit/for work)- so i avoided going out with him at first, but then figured, keep it casual, have fun. so i went out with him a few times and we talked on the phone and a few weeks ago i told him i wished he would come for valentines day, then thurs. he called and said he was getting on a plane to surprise me because whatever i want i get and he is my valentine so he is going to come and spend some quality time with me- so he gets in that night and we spend time together, then the next night romantic dinner- so much fun, we are having a great time- we make plans with a mutual friend for last night- we talk early evening and everything is great, talking about our days he says he is tired long day will relax for an hour and call and we'll figure out all the details...
never calls. call him this afternoon and he tries to tell me he fell asleep- at 6pm- it's now noon the next day- says he's going to the gym and will call me later so we can hang out- i am so upset with him but all i can do is not be too nice- don't know what to do. still hasnt called i am such an idiot. the last one was a player, but this one it wasn't that, so why now am i being lied to? what does he get? why tell me he is coming for me- have a good time with me- he makes future plans and talks about how wonderful it is to be with me and he wants to keep me hanging? i can't take these guys messing with my head. if it's not a physical thing, what, they do this for emotional power? why would someone do this to me? why do i fall for it in every form possible that will leave me sad, alone and rejected? sorry this was so long. i just don't even know what to do if i stop writing so i keep going. this hurts and i feel like i can't trust anyone.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((voguegirl15)))))))))))))))))))))
All I can do is offer hugs.
((((((voguegirl))))))
I agree with Trac...the best thing to do is to tell him how you feel and why. Say you're tired of mind games and all you're asking for is honesty. You have good reason to feel this way, and even if you didn't you should not expect any less from anyone, regardless of their relationship to you (boyfriend, friend, sibling, etc).
I wish you luck. Boys can be so irritating and somehow don't understand that it makes a girl upset when they don't call when they said they would! (no frustration on my part, noooo...lol)
Take care,
Rebecca
(((((Vogue))))), some people (both men and women) are into power games.
VG,
I'm sorry this crappy thing happened, Sweetie. That sucks! I'm don't have any more insight than you into why someone would come on super strong, then flake, especially if he didn't get his conquest yet.
But there's the possibility that he was lying about you being the reason he was coming into town. He could have come into town for something else, then just told you it was especially for you to make you feel special. I've seen people do that to be manipulative.
I think you are right that for him to have flaked this hard and not kept his promises, something is seriously up with his integrity level. He could have fallen asleep the first night, but not calling you first thing in the morning, combined with not calling again after working out spells out that he is a self-centered liar who does and says what is convenient for him in the moment. Sadly, there is an abundance of people like that in the world, both male and female.
I know I've said it before, but you've survived a lot. You will survive this too. I think it's always important to be careful of guys who come on strong when there is no real commitment or involvement yet. It's usually a big line. Maybe that's the only thing to take from this. Otherwise, it's just another stupid, hurtful thing with a selfish guy.
My hugs go out to you,
MariaC